Crying babies, heckling Indians and a pointless love story made this cinema experience a true waste of time. But it's Shah Rukh Khan? I hear you say, you're a fan aren't you!? As much as this may be true, it is also true that no level of masala, charisma or unnecessary parading of porn stars could have saved this movie from it's own certain failure. Like cycling through shards of glass this movie literally only got through the first few minutes before it's tyres exploded and the viewer fell nose first into the chaos of broken bottles, blood and mangled metal that represent the disorder of this production.
Sure, the film does start with a cutesy story of a poor boy growing up with his mother (I don't remember seeing a father either) unable to afford basic amenities and grafting to make a living in an otherwise sleepy little town in the "dry state" of Gujarat, India. However, this is like praising your dog for soaking only one cushion when he's gone and defiled on the couch! So, naturally following this, the now mandatory Bollywood "shirtless ripped male" scene heralded forth nothing but boredom and frustration coupled with an irrelevant heroine role and extraneous songs which left most of the audience either playing catch in the cinema hall (that's Indian kids for you) or half asleep or playing with their phones.
Like the inevitable consequences of drinking a bottle of laxatives on an empty stomach, there was a direct correlation between the number of spectacles SRK wore and the directions the movie took. I'm not sure if this was the production team's way of adding intrigue/suspense or whatever or just their way of proving that having nausea and explosive diarrhoea at the same time is not a feeling you'd want on a Tuesday.
I think SRK must have tried hard to make this ridiculous script work; he did pull out all his usual repertoire of signatures moves - the on screen cry, the slow motion walk, the floppy hair with a headband and the wet hair, the close up on the red teary eyes, the growling angry voice, oh and of course the six pack - so you can't blame him for not giving it his best shot.
The most notable performance was of course Atul Kulkarni - calm, immersive and genuine as always. Whereas, Mahira Khan clearly had the most pathetic excuse for being on screen - literally not a word she spoke was required for story progression and her presence should have been exclusively edited out.
Some quick fire irritations for the ADHDs amongst us:
Overall, the story was forced and superficial and felt like they'd thrown 7 stories in a blender and put them together again as one. The police and politicians came across lame (and unrealistically corrupt with Nawazuddin Siddiqui representing the only straight cop in all of Gujarat), the fight scenes were dull and almost on a timer, the love story, the baby thing, the tea thing, the glasses thing and even the constant transferring of the main police dude were all inconsequential to story progression and felt gimmicky.
Seriously, this video felt like a pure money maker, with no heart or soul whatsoever. Maybe the producers had tax reasons to make it? Maybe this was just a hideous excuse to introduce a terrible Mahira to a wider audience? Or maybe SRK just wanted to show that he'd maintained his six pack since the days of Om Shanti Om? Who knows
At least three things haven't changed in Indian cinema; the use of toy guns (doesn't the sound they still make take you back to the 90's?), the use of ketchup and the same bullet hole technology irrespective of if you're shot with a shotgun or pistol and lastly, the time it takes for the hero to die - roughly a full 10 minutes of screen time.
Time for bed.
Sure, the film does start with a cutesy story of a poor boy growing up with his mother (I don't remember seeing a father either) unable to afford basic amenities and grafting to make a living in an otherwise sleepy little town in the "dry state" of Gujarat, India. However, this is like praising your dog for soaking only one cushion when he's gone and defiled on the couch! So, naturally following this, the now mandatory Bollywood "shirtless ripped male" scene heralded forth nothing but boredom and frustration coupled with an irrelevant heroine role and extraneous songs which left most of the audience either playing catch in the cinema hall (that's Indian kids for you) or half asleep or playing with their phones.
Like the inevitable consequences of drinking a bottle of laxatives on an empty stomach, there was a direct correlation between the number of spectacles SRK wore and the directions the movie took. I'm not sure if this was the production team's way of adding intrigue/suspense or whatever or just their way of proving that having nausea and explosive diarrhoea at the same time is not a feeling you'd want on a Tuesday.
I think SRK must have tried hard to make this ridiculous script work; he did pull out all his usual repertoire of signatures moves - the on screen cry, the slow motion walk, the floppy hair with a headband and the wet hair, the close up on the red teary eyes, the growling angry voice, oh and of course the six pack - so you can't blame him for not giving it his best shot.
The most notable performance was of course Atul Kulkarni - calm, immersive and genuine as always. Whereas, Mahira Khan clearly had the most pathetic excuse for being on screen - literally not a word she spoke was required for story progression and her presence should have been exclusively edited out.
Some quick fire irritations for the ADHDs amongst us:
- the story felt forced to move towards the predictable eventuality of this kind of movie (an ending so perfectly established by the likes of Sanjay Dutt and Vivek Oberoi in their classics of this kind).
- I didn't realise Indians had invented the silent shotgun - it looks and works and even has audible sound effects like your usual Fisher Price shotgun but no one but you can hear it go off
- The Indian parkour looked cool for a second but then very quickly tumbled into the realms of 1980's South Indian trampolining and hilariously unrealistic string work.
- There were a number of 'green screen' moments that were about the same quality as those used in chitty chitty bang bang
- I didn't know SRK was immune to tear gas maybe the USA army should be testing him?
- Finally, hold on no one noticed 5 huge boats go by?? What about the beating in the drive-in cinema?? Surely, someone saw SRK walking out of the club covered in blood?!?!? Surely?!?!?
Overall, the story was forced and superficial and felt like they'd thrown 7 stories in a blender and put them together again as one. The police and politicians came across lame (and unrealistically corrupt with Nawazuddin Siddiqui representing the only straight cop in all of Gujarat), the fight scenes were dull and almost on a timer, the love story, the baby thing, the tea thing, the glasses thing and even the constant transferring of the main police dude were all inconsequential to story progression and felt gimmicky.
Seriously, this video felt like a pure money maker, with no heart or soul whatsoever. Maybe the producers had tax reasons to make it? Maybe this was just a hideous excuse to introduce a terrible Mahira to a wider audience? Or maybe SRK just wanted to show that he'd maintained his six pack since the days of Om Shanti Om? Who knows
At least three things haven't changed in Indian cinema; the use of toy guns (doesn't the sound they still make take you back to the 90's?), the use of ketchup and the same bullet hole technology irrespective of if you're shot with a shotgun or pistol and lastly, the time it takes for the hero to die - roughly a full 10 minutes of screen time.
Time for bed.