ironhorse_iv Review of Ghosts Can't Do It

Ghosts Can't Do It (1989)

BOOOOOOO!!!! This movie really sucks! One of the very worst films, I'd ever seen!

[1/10 · 12 September 2016]

I would not call the filmmakers here dumb, stupid or mentally challenged. But only because these words would not suffice to define the level of complete incompetence, ignorance, and sloth these people embody. I have to say, actress Bo Derek and her husband, director John Derek are just bad. They perhaps one of the most narcissistic Hollywood couple ever. Together they produced what has been called a Trilogy of Crap; possibly the worst series of erotic romantics movies of all time. While, 1981's 'Tarzan, the Ape Man' and 1984's "Bolero" are horrible. Its 1989's 'Ghost can't do it" that takes the cake. It's nearly un-watchable. This movie is no '10'. It's a big fat zero! This film deserve that. Directed by John Derek, the film tells the story of two lovers, Scott (Anthony Quinn) & Katie (Bo Derek), despite their 30-year age difference, live very happy lives. While, there are some people who would qualify this as romantic; the creepiness factor is only added upon once we get into the depths of their May to December relationship, which mainly involve Scott forceful ordering Kate around and her naive obeying him. Bo Derek's character is a little too submissive. She even calls her, much older husband with the nickname, 'the Great One'. Holy crap! This movie set woman rights, years back with that statement. However, after Scott suffers a heart attack and is unable to make love, he commits suicide and becomes a ghost that only Kate can see and speak with. To make it possible for Scott to return as a human, the two must conjure up a plan to have a young man drown, so that Scott can take his body. Yes, you readt that right. It's a movie about two very unlikable uber rich characters, trying to kill another prick, Fausto Garibaldi (Leo Damian) to steal his body as a romantic comedy. Wow! Just wow! Why would anybody want to gain custody of a body that they hate!? It doesn't make sense. What a horrible plot! Without spoiling the movie, too much, not only is the main plot of the film, very crude and offensive, but the movie also have doesn't go anywhere sub-plots like business dealings and jewels heist that just as miserable. There is barely any exposition. Another thing, wrong about this movie is the acting. Bo Derek is clearly impaired, throughout this whole movie. She doesn't convey the level of intelligence the movie desperately wants us to believe she has, from her cunning business meetings to her ability to fly several different airplanes. Seriously, she sounds like a whinny toddler with her silly dialogue. Plus, none of her jokes, connect with me. I really can't laugh at jokes about rape. She's so awful. Also, I get that Bo Derek is more famous for her gorgeous looks than her mediocre acting, but the nudity in this film is very random. It really doesn't add much to the film's plot. Having Quinn yell at her, to get naked is pretty disturbing as well. His character is very repulsive sexism. It's like, watching a horny drunk grandpa hit on their hot granddaughter. It's not very watchable, unless you like creepy ass pornos. Anthony Quinn is also very unlikable in this movie, due to his laziness. I hate how much he phone his performance in, during this movie. Most of the film, has his character in a blurry wading pool in the sky with Julie Newmar's angel character, commenting on the events, happen to his wife, post-death. It's so jarring, if anybody else, can see it or hear him in the film. Clearly, nobody in the film, seem bother, by Katie's talks to herself at all. Not even, billionaire, Donald Trump who has a cameo, as himself, who surprising, isn't that bad in this film. Another problem with this film is how it was filmed. It's so washed out, blurry and grainy. First off, the opening of the film is so ugly-looking with its sepia tinted mountain range slide-show background. Second off, it's really hard to figure out, what the credits even says, with the small hand-written font. Third off, the movie has really annoying voice-over, during that opening. The film also suffers from bad editing. The movie really has some bad scene transitions. One minute, Katie fighting off a hit-man, next minute she's in bed, sleeping. Huh? What happen, here!? I'm confused. Also, the movie tend to focus the camera on some random people's commentary at times, such as the scene on the train. The women that talks about Katie, are never mention, again. It's so odd, pacing wise. Other scenes were edited down or cut, like the death of Scott, which is filmed off-screen. It left a lot of confuse looks, as I have no clue, what happen. It was just bizarre. Overall: I have to say, this 1980's romp with one of that decade's biggest sex symbols was inept, at best. I really can't recommended watching this movie. It's repulsive. It really deserve 1990 Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Picture. It's really that bad.