If you've watched a whole plethora of episodes of the cult TV show Mystery Science Theater 3000, you may have heard of a certain film company that goes by the name of Woolner Pictures. They are the idiots responsible for those godawful Hercules movies that have popped up time and time again. Well, there was one other film that they were infamously known for, and that's the one I'm reviewing in this installment of Cinephile Confessions.
I originally heard of this movie from a video entitled The 50 Worst Movies Ever Made, which counted down...well...the worst movies ever made. Jean Yarbrough's 1967 *ahem* "horror comedy" Hillbillys in a Haunted House (P.S., it's spelled HILLBILLIES) was one of those movies, making the #35 spot. One day, I saw that this was coming on, of all places, my favorite movie channel, Turner Classic Movies, a channel that is often known for showing some of the best the silver screen had to offer. So being the glutton for punishment that I am, I proceeded to sit on my couch and watch the entire thing from start to finish.
So where do I begin with this more-than-worthy entry to Dumpsterpiece Theatre? Well, for starters, the movie is basically an episode of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? stretched out to feature length and including pointless country music numbers, only instead of a large, cowardly great dane and his human companions, we have two musicians and their manager (with the personality of both Scooby and Shaggy combined) on their way to a Nashville Country Jamboree. Their car breaks down, and with a thunderstorm on the rise, their only shelter is a haunted mansion, which also happens to be occupied by a group of international spies, including Basil Rathbone, John Carradine, and Lon Chaney Jr., of all people. Oh, and well-known Country singers Sonny James and Merle Haggard are somewhere in this movie, too.
Watching this movie, I could instantly tell that this picture was made specifically for a drive-in theatre. Not to say that every film shown at one of those is this caliber of bad, but let me ask you this: would an indoor movie theatre show this alongside films like Bonnie and Clyde or The Graduate, which were also released in '67? Nah, I wouldn't think so either. Not only is the movie not funny or scary within the slightest, and with songs that would make Billy Ray Cyrus sound like Garth Brooks, but even though this movie is only 88 minutes long, it felt like two hours. But wait, here's the kicker: when the main story ends and the spies are caught, the movie isn't even close to being done yet. You get to sit through the jamboree the main characters have been singing about when the film began, with about five or six songs sung back to back as if this was really a concert flick. By the time I got to this point, I was like Tom Servo at the end of the Wild World of Batwoman episode of MST3K, shouting "END! EEEEEENNNNNDDD!!!" at the top of my lungs before they gave out.
To conclude, no one was lying. This was bad. Probably the worst movie I've seen thus far. It's worse than Reptilicus, worse than Manos: The Hands of Fate, and almost as irritating as The Castle of Fu Manchu. If you REALLY want to see this poor excuse of a movie, it can be seen on many a bargain bin DVD that's most likely worth a pittance. Otherwise, avoid it as if it was radioactive waste, sign and all.
I originally heard of this movie from a video entitled The 50 Worst Movies Ever Made, which counted down...well...the worst movies ever made. Jean Yarbrough's 1967 *ahem* "horror comedy" Hillbillys in a Haunted House (P.S., it's spelled HILLBILLIES) was one of those movies, making the #35 spot. One day, I saw that this was coming on, of all places, my favorite movie channel, Turner Classic Movies, a channel that is often known for showing some of the best the silver screen had to offer. So being the glutton for punishment that I am, I proceeded to sit on my couch and watch the entire thing from start to finish.
So where do I begin with this more-than-worthy entry to Dumpsterpiece Theatre? Well, for starters, the movie is basically an episode of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? stretched out to feature length and including pointless country music numbers, only instead of a large, cowardly great dane and his human companions, we have two musicians and their manager (with the personality of both Scooby and Shaggy combined) on their way to a Nashville Country Jamboree. Their car breaks down, and with a thunderstorm on the rise, their only shelter is a haunted mansion, which also happens to be occupied by a group of international spies, including Basil Rathbone, John Carradine, and Lon Chaney Jr., of all people. Oh, and well-known Country singers Sonny James and Merle Haggard are somewhere in this movie, too.
Watching this movie, I could instantly tell that this picture was made specifically for a drive-in theatre. Not to say that every film shown at one of those is this caliber of bad, but let me ask you this: would an indoor movie theatre show this alongside films like Bonnie and Clyde or The Graduate, which were also released in '67? Nah, I wouldn't think so either. Not only is the movie not funny or scary within the slightest, and with songs that would make Billy Ray Cyrus sound like Garth Brooks, but even though this movie is only 88 minutes long, it felt like two hours. But wait, here's the kicker: when the main story ends and the spies are caught, the movie isn't even close to being done yet. You get to sit through the jamboree the main characters have been singing about when the film began, with about five or six songs sung back to back as if this was really a concert flick. By the time I got to this point, I was like Tom Servo at the end of the Wild World of Batwoman episode of MST3K, shouting "END! EEEEEENNNNNDDD!!!" at the top of my lungs before they gave out.
To conclude, no one was lying. This was bad. Probably the worst movie I've seen thus far. It's worse than Reptilicus, worse than Manos: The Hands of Fate, and almost as irritating as The Castle of Fu Manchu. If you REALLY want to see this poor excuse of a movie, it can be seen on many a bargain bin DVD that's most likely worth a pittance. Otherwise, avoid it as if it was radioactive waste, sign and all.