Clownhouse (1989)
1/10
Nadir of the 1980s
26 February 2016
Warning: Spoilers
It's not often that I find it near impossible to sit through a mainstream film, but this one was an exception. Obviously made to cash in on the scary clown phase of the late '80s (Stephen King's IT was doing the rounds at this time as well) the film is so tame in its approach, I'm surprised it was even rewarded the 15 certificate that it got. It is just so goddamn boring.

The plot (if you can even remotely call it that) is about three maniacs who escape from a mental institute, dress up as clowns at a local circus and then terrorise three children in their homes. I've heard people say about how scary this one is, but I have to ask...where are the chills? Guys in white greasepaint can be scary, I'm sure, but these clowns don't even serve up chuckles, let alone screams. Two of the kids die but then, at the end, we find them all alive and well. I venomously hate it when they bring victims back to life again. It's just so unnecessary and feel-good and sugary that it makes me want to vomit.

American child actors are possibly the only thing that will make me get up and switch off the TV (that and real-life operations...can't stand 'em). These kids are annoyingly no exception. The director of this trash was involved in a child sex scandal with the main actor before going on to direct films like POWDER, and I would try and forget this film if I was him.
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