Being the glutton for punishment that I am I found yet another abominable flick up for streaming on Netflix. That piece of trash is known as Smosh: The Movie. For those of you unaware of Smosh, good for you. However here's the cliff notes version: In 2005 when YouTube was first established two nerdy kids Anthony Padilla and Ian Hecox made crudely shot videos of them lip syncing to theme songs for Pokemon and Mortal Kombat. Ever since they have made a miniature empire by making moronic annoying skits filled with fart jokes so terribly unoriginal and uninspired that they would make Dane Cook shoot himself in the face pandering to the mentally castrated youth of America, the lowest common denominator that are tearing this nation apart bit by bit on a mission to keep them out of college along with the monstrous duo responsible for the death of parody Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer who need to die with them slowly with blood in their mouths. But I will admit that yes, when I was younger I found a few of their skits somewhat amusing and looked up to them for a brief months and sent them a long since abandoned project known as The Mark Alpha Cycle asking for advice. What was I thinking? Don't ask because I couldn't tell you, I was high out of my mind. I never heard back from them and I am perfectly okay with that.
Why did this movie make me want to slit my wrists and kill and kill the next living creature that I saw? What drove me to black out and stab my drinking buddy who was watching this with me in the face beyond all recognition? Was it the fact that the jokes were so dated that it would only be funny if the movie were released back in 2003? Was it the fact that the production value was so cheap and tacky that it would only be forgivable if the effects were featured from a video by a Channel Awesome critic and didn't have the budget of five million dollars? Is it the fact that I can't stomach these two retards for more than five seconds? Is it the ridiculous plot? Is it the fact that it's an 84 minute YouTube Video that only exists to make money? Or is it the fact that ALEX WINTER of all people directed this bogus most non- excellent crime against humanity!! I'm just going to let that sink in, Bill Preston DIRECTED THIS UNWATCHABLE PILE OF CINEMATIC FECES Come on man you were one of the heroes of the 80's you and Ted defined the late 80's for Crying out loud! Show some dignity! I believe that to die an honorable death and redeem myself if I ever become a famous director, screenwriter and when my material wears thin much like Smosh's material did and back in like 2005 and I stop bringing in bank and I get that desperate for money that I direct to video sequel for a couple of moronic internet celebrities, please, give me a bottle of poison and walk away Now I really got to find both Bill and Ted movies on Laserdisc to add to my collection to mourn the death of a fallen idol. I remember hearing about Savage Steve Holland directing a made for TV movie for The Fairly Odd Parents a couple of years back called A Fairly Odd Movie: Grow Up, Timmy Turner! And I can at least forgive that because Cosmo is still a fairly enduring character for me even until this day and well let's be honest here Better Off Dead was really his only good movie. But Alex Winter? What are you doing man?!
Why did this movie make me want to slit my wrists and kill and kill the next living creature that I saw? What drove me to black out and stab my drinking buddy who was watching this with me in the face beyond all recognition? Was it the fact that the jokes were so dated that it would only be funny if the movie were released back in 2003? Was it the fact that the production value was so cheap and tacky that it would only be forgivable if the effects were featured from a video by a Channel Awesome critic and didn't have the budget of five million dollars? Is it the fact that I can't stomach these two retards for more than five seconds? Is it the ridiculous plot? Is it the fact that it's an 84 minute YouTube Video that only exists to make money? Or is it the fact that ALEX WINTER of all people directed this bogus most non- excellent crime against humanity!! I'm just going to let that sink in, Bill Preston DIRECTED THIS UNWATCHABLE PILE OF CINEMATIC FECES Come on man you were one of the heroes of the 80's you and Ted defined the late 80's for Crying out loud! Show some dignity! I believe that to die an honorable death and redeem myself if I ever become a famous director, screenwriter and when my material wears thin much like Smosh's material did and back in like 2005 and I stop bringing in bank and I get that desperate for money that I direct to video sequel for a couple of moronic internet celebrities, please, give me a bottle of poison and walk away Now I really got to find both Bill and Ted movies on Laserdisc to add to my collection to mourn the death of a fallen idol. I remember hearing about Savage Steve Holland directing a made for TV movie for The Fairly Odd Parents a couple of years back called A Fairly Odd Movie: Grow Up, Timmy Turner! And I can at least forgive that because Cosmo is still a fairly enduring character for me even until this day and well let's be honest here Better Off Dead was really his only good movie. But Alex Winter? What are you doing man?!