Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015 TV Movie)
2/10
More nonsense brought to you by those who can't keep a straight face, Twitter, and Pizza Hut
23 July 2015
Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! is a film made by people that evidently crave more and more attention for a project that, with each and every installment, gets less and less entertaining. Between the incessant promotion for the film on Twitter, resorting to plastering tweets and feedback from the common people during the film's commercial breaks, and the repeated emphasis on product placement and promotional tie-ins, Sharknado 3 is a sorry excuse for a film that, for now the third time, fails instantly for trying to pander to the dumb crowd and continue to harp on a concept that's been dead in the water since the first film.

The story of Sharknado is a rather interesting turn of fate. I recall reading an article months before its SyFy premiere was even a foreseeable option of various films at the 2013 Cannes Film Festival that were up for sale. I was particularly scoping out the ones that looked rather lackluster and, sure enough, Sharknado's poster was featured in the article, boasting its trademark image with the tagline "ENOUGH SAID!." I rolled my eyes and thought little of it until I began seeing a great deal of social media buzz for it upon the announcement that the film would have its North American premiere on the SyFy network. Sure enough, thanks to brazen advertising and an emphasis on the stupid, the film became a runaway hit and a pop culture footprint was made.

The original film was somewhat tolerable, for it was a fresh idea, but was irritating because you could tell from the very beginning that nobody involved in this film wanted to make a film that was the least bit serious or competent. They wanted to create a self-aware film that was well aware of its stupidity, drape it in purposefully poor special effects, and top it off with a plethora of cameos to become a film that was doing nothing trying to garner unworthy attention. The fact is, however, many of us paid it what it didn't deserve and now we have a second sequel and a third one in the works.

This particular film revolves around Fin and April (Ian Ziering and Tara Reid), this time, fighting off a sharknado that is pulverizing the east coast, particularly Washington D.C.. Fin, upon being awarded the Medal of Honor from the President of the United States (Mark Cuban), winds up trying to protect the president during the deadly twister. Finally, Fin heads to Universal Studios in Orlando, where a very pregnant April is vacationing, to try and fight off another sharknado that is destroying the city at the same time yet another sharknado is terrorizing Daytona during the Daytona 500. These storms eventually mold together to create a large, ostensibly unstoppable sharknado that can only be taken down by Fin, April, and Fin's old friend Nova (Cassie Scerbo), as they decide the only way to potentially stop it would be to go into space.

The chaos in Sharknado 3 starts early and rarely lets up, and at about ninety minutes, like its predecessors, the film becomes dreary and repetitive quickly. We get the momentary smirk when we see familiar faces like David Hasselhoff, Penn Jillette, Robert Klein, Jerry Springer, Anthony Weiner, Ann Coulter, Frankie Muniz, and even Michele Bachmann upon many others get their brief moment of fame, but these inclusions are just another ploy for the film to continue to garner unworthy attention. The monotony sets in faster than the skies can darken for an imminent sharknado, and the result is a redundant film that still is more or less giggling at itself and its concept while we should be sitting with a headache from all the eye-rolling we've done.

Sharknado has become less a film franchise and more of a marketing-rich opportunity for corporations, but mostly social media, and that fact is glaring when the film doesn't even end on a complete note and leaves a character's fate (and, to be honest, the future of an actor or actress's career) up to social media. If we had to get a Sharknado 3, could we at least have gotten one that wasn't so insistent on beating a one-note joke into the ground and one backed by a director and writer that wanted to create a decent film instead of a desperately unfunny and pathetic marketing trope?

Starring: Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Cassie Scerbo, Frankie Muniz, Bo Derek, Mark Cuban, Ann Coulter, and David Hasselhoff. Directed by: Anthony C. Ferrante.
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