oscaralbert Review of Lava

Lava (2014)

Whether states can use tax dollars to subsidize FLINTSTONE WORLD . . .

[6/10 · 26 June 2015]

. . . as a Museum of Natural History is a question currently before the Supreme Court, but the Disney Umbrella Corp. has provided a know-nothing answer of sorts with no apparent use of public funds. LAVA teaches kids that volcanoes such as Mount St. Helen and Vesuvius are NOT to be feared as mass killers, but rather seen as misunderstood lovesick puppies yearning to unite with their peers to form Megacauldrons like that Yellowstone monster featured in the movie 2012 in order to provide us with summer-free years, world-wide famine, and shipping mayhem as they proliferate like rabbits under the sea. LAVA is bound to desensitize a generation of the World's Young to three million years or so of primal fear toward volcanic action and lava, which tend to go hand-in-hand. Speaking of hands, how many kids will lose theirs as they stoop to pet the LAVA Disney has so charmingly personified? And what can we expect next from Disney? Tina, the Twinkle-Toed Twister? Sonny, an Amiable Tsunami? Ernie the Earthquake Cracks Like a Duck? Hurricane Hattie Hurries across Cape Hatteras? Barry Blizzard Buries Buffalo? Floyd Floods Folks for Fun? Hail, Hail, the Golf Balls Are Here? Wilma Wildfire Waltzes through the Forest? Disney's options to Defang catastrophe seem endless after LAVA.