The Lifeguard (2013)
1/10
Boring and terrible
5 April 2015
Warning: Spoilers
In my top 5 worst films ever. Liz Garcia who both wrote and directed this junk should reconsider her career options. Perhaps selling plastic ware on the party plan would be better. How did she ever delude investors into funding this? You will note most of the top reviews come from Kristen Bell fans. I am not. I find her skills mediocre at best. But even she struggles with this terrible script,. Not to mention she's getting a little long in the tooth to keep playing the Baywatch drone.

Garcia promoted this as a "dark comedy." Well no one is laughing. Her actors never even crack a smile. This was supposed to be the story of a bright young woman about to turn thirty facing her first serious life crisis. What it really is, is the story of multiple acts of child sexual abuse. Bell's character is supposed to be 29 (she was 31). David Lambert's Jason is supposed to be a 16 year old boy (he was 19 at the time). They have shaved his body to make him appear as young and adolescent as possible.

No one--I mean no one--in this story comes to his rescue. Not the perpetrator Leigh, not his Dad, not his school's assistant principal, not any of their friends; no one. He thinks he's in love. In reality, he is being totally and completely used and abused in every way and no one at all ever is called to account or pay for the abuse. Everybody gets a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card one way or the other no matter how flimsy the excuse.

I assume that's because we have a double standard for boys and especially teen characters. Had Ms. Garcia written a screen play in which there is a graphic scene (or two) involving a 16 year old school girl being pursued and used sexually with drugs by a 30 year old man would Sundance have even screened it? This is one of the most tasteless films for it's concept(not nudity) I have ever seen.

Fortunately for the actors no ones career got hurt. This dog had no legs. Garcia and Bell tried to sell it as "graphic" to line up distribution but that didn't fly either so it went almost immediately to DVD. Watch it if you must. If you are a Bell fan, you'll like it. Mostly she only has to show up in a red bathing suit and she can get at least 8 stars. I finally just threw my copy away.
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