The Appearing (2014)
2/10
Sorry, Basically Unwatchable
5 May 2014
I know it's not entirely fair to review a movie without watching it all the way through, but in the case of "The Appearing", watching it all the way through just wasn't an option: it was either switch this execrable garbage off or be forced to fall asleep in front of it; either way, it wasn't going to appear for more than 30mins. before this writer's eyes.

Being low budget and amateurish aren't necessarily the death knell of this kind of film. I have seen plenty over the years that are both, yet strive to bring something unique, creative, or reflect a deep love for the genre. At the core of it, "The Appearing's" biggest problem is that it doesn't display any of these qualities. The storyline is as humdrum as can be; the most basic horror tropes are on display: teenagers partying in the woods, local legends, new cop in town, troubled wife struggling to get over the loss of a child...and I'm sure the rest of the film would have kept trotting them out.

The most glaring flaws have mostly been mentioned in other reviews. For me, the casting was the biggest issue. The alleged teenagers--Susie in particular--look 30 years old, while the cop's wife looks incongruously much younger than him, to the point of looking like a dorky teen in that ill-suited (and ill-fitting?) summer frock they have her traipsing around in. I suppose wardrobe was provided by the actors and the director had to go with whatever they showed up in. Actually, Susie looks older than 30. She kinda looks like Jerri Blank in "Strangers with Candy". She doesn't actually look like her, just as out-of-place-old as her. That's a very cruel thing to say about the actress, but a look at her IMDb bio and photos does show a desperate attempt to hide her real age.

The script possesses many stupidities. One that stood out was the sheriff, upon greeting the new cop, saying that the town didn't even appear on several maps. Now, this was done to highlight its remoteness, its hick-ness. Yet it has a high school? How many backwoods ghost towns/lost to memory townships with tumbleweeds blowing through Main Street while a swinging bench claps against faded wooden boards with one road out that no one ever visits since the highway went in in '55...and therefore doesn't appear on official maps!...how many of these places have a staffed, operating, high school? That's right, a high school tends to get a place noticed; enough to warrant a dot and name on a map.

The best thing about the movie--and I really am being entirely serious here--is the stock footage of foliage that interlaces many of the editorial scene cuts. They are overdone and sometimes out of place, but they were quite attractive. That's why I assume they were stock footage of some sort; or footage acquired from elsewhere, at the very least (the director's college project, for example). Oh, if I'm being generous, the music wasn't too bad; in some scenes, such as 'teenager in summer frock' wife making (her first? it kinda looks like it) breakfast for straight-out-the-door cop husband (another cliché. What does she expect? She married a cop! He just said there was a missing person's case! What's with the "...but I made it for you special!"?)...the music while that gem was being played out was quite well done.

OK. Enough. For only 30mins of watching, I've been rambling enough.

Here's my summary: This is a very poor film which doesn't warrant a viewing even for supporting-up-and-coming/fan-of-B grade etc. reasons. It has few redeeming features and utterly lacks uniqueness or a creative addition to the genre. Plus, a bunch of middle-aged people running around playing teenagers while the director's little niece plays "a adult wife wiv a husben and everything!" is just too silly to watch. Don't let "The Appearing" appear anywhere on your movie viewing schedule.
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