Atlantis (2013–2015)
2/10
Queer and idiotic trip through twisted details of mythology
29 September 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Out of curiosity I watched the first episode of this new fantasy series. Well, fantasy it is - just not very good fantasy. Firstly we see Jason survive an imploding bathyscaphe at great depth, and wake up on a beach. Then we get to watch his naked torso for about 19 seconds flat, with nothing else in view at all. I guess it must be to bait and hook teenager girls. Oh, is that what it's about? Fortunately there's a set of new, perfectly fitting clothing right next to him, so he gets dressed. Next he walks into a city (where of course all speak modern-day English) and gets attacked by a two-headed dragon (for trying to touch it) and right after, by guards. Luckily he escapes and meets Pythagoras, who is apparently in some way related to Hercules, coming in next bossing Pythagoras around.

This, to me, looks like a bad dream of a confused scriptwriter on acid. Patiently I wait for the moment, where all of this idiocy gets to make some sense.

And yes, as soon as the next scene develops, it all falls into place. Many worlds, great forces, the oracle who is probably his mother, and the hint that Jason is the son of a very important man, or perhaps-a god.

From here, I can dream up the rest of the story. Jason probably gets challenged a lot, meets the love of his life (which is bound to be a problematic relationship), battles the Minotaur and many other foes of ancient mythology.

The city has 20000 inhabitants. They are all summoned to the palace square, where they are addressed by king Minos, to draw a stone. However, there are at most 1000 persons in the square, and many of them seem to have copies all over the square. Then they line up to each take a stone. It is not very speedy, on average everybody takes 12 seconds. By this rate, it all will be over in... 20.000x12/3600= 67 hours. All attended by the king, so that would have to be stretched over 8-hour days, adding up to a full week of selecting 7 people. If I were that king, I would have thought of a somewhat shorter and less boring method to select 7 out of 20000. But hey, when the day is done all 20000 have magically passed.

This little insult to my intelligence is just one of many. Now, I really don't expect a series like this to be historically of mythologically correct, or scientifically accurate, but hell - the scriptwriters should know how to do basic math and not try to defy common sense. I'm feeling so much vicarious shame for them, it's almost unbearable.

Pythagoras gets selected, and spends a last supper with his best friends Hercules and Jason (who he has just met, so yesterday Hercules was his only friend) and for the second time Pythagoras gets stereotyped for being obsessed with triangles. Shame!

Ah, the princess doubts her father - clearly SHE will get to be the love interest of Jason.

More goofs: Jason draws a sword, and inspects it. It is clearly visible the sword has no sharp edges, just a sharp point. Still, it will do and he takes it to fight a monster. What's he gonna do, puncture the beast? All clothes and garments look unused, brand new. Nothing is dirty or worn. BBC and Urban Myth Films, why don't you go take a lesson from the original Star Wars movies.

But most of all, it is so wrong to have Greek mythology take place in Atlantis, first of all because Atlantis is not even a myth, it is mentioned in ONE old story which got propagated in modern times. This series feed our youth with twisted and confused stories that pretend to be the real myths. I can't help feeling a bit sick of this. I feel sad for how mythology gets violated and replaced by this crap.

Sadly, the series is bound to get popular.
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