Dark House (2009)
1/10
What A Mess!
10 June 2013
Warning: Spoilers
My husband and I had to watch this film almost two full times through back to back to attempt to figure out what was going on. It starts off with a young girl about 9 from the looks of her walking into a house of a mass murder but instead of bursting into tears and running away as most little girls would this one slowly looks around at every dead body. Whoever wrote this and directed must not have had children. As if that wasn't odd enough it cuts to a woman in her 20s waking up from a nightmare 14 years later only to learn she is actually now a college student taking acting classes with one of every campy horror cliché. Dumb blonde, jock, black kid, angst filled goth girl and so on. The acting is terrible and it reminds you of your children's school play but not as adorable.

Now we have these college kids going to work at the same house the mass murders took place in which is unlikely this house would realistically be sold or open to the public in any way after the slaughtering of children. For the next hour we are to sit through every predictable cheesy horror ploy. It goes very slow and at some points you are not sure what is going on and what direction they are trying to go with this.

Meghan Ory is the lead. A nice looking girl. The best actor among these kids but the end is a disaster. After spending the longest hour and a half you could imagine leading you to believe you are following at least for the most part what is going on to who and how they inject a random end scene to frustrate you.

The last 2 minutes of the film cut to a woman in her mid 30s standing in front of the house with a young jock. Stereotypical meat-head type you would find in B flick movies from the 70s. This alone was confusing. It never occurred to me this woman could possibly be one of the children let alone the little girl from the beginning of the film grown up. They said 14 years have passed in the beginning of this mess which means the adult should be around 23 years old not a 30 something. Sure enough she walks in , how you ask? Apparently anyone can get in this house at any time. Once you get through the 2-3 lines that were said more like a town play of "The King and I" circa 1952, over the top as if she would twirl around the stage gazing up at the skies breaking out into song you realize you have no idea what happened. The urge to laugh at this bad acting is tempered by pure confusion.

This was the ending. I look at my husband and ask what happened? What was that? Who was that? He didn't know either. Frustrated we just wasted all this time we went to IMDb to try and put a name and character to the face and figure out her role in the story. The actress was Angela Gots playing Tammy. Who is Tammy? I never heard the name Tammy used once. There was a whole separate movie a bad one but a movie and a separate story in the last 2 minutes. At this point we are sure we are not crazy here. There was no character Tammy. It is like they needed to hit a certain time limit and took any random woman and asked her if she could recite these 3 lines. We rewatched the beginning with the little girl. No Tammy, no inclination this child would be the ending. Went through the middle, no Tammy. The ending with the actress herself no mention of Tammy. Of course we are confused. What kind of games is this movie and IMDb playing! Having the lead girl (Meghan Ory) be the one who did it all would be predictable but at least it would not be quite as ridiculous and she was the best actor in the cast. Overall it took over 3 hours to attempt to understand a 90 minute film. I can't believe a studio made this, my goodness!
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