5/10
Big Hairy fannies
23 April 2013
My wife bought me this by mistake! Some company called Boulevard entertainment had somehow mixed this up with another film called Exorcism (and American religious film or something), but when Lina Romay's pubic hair appeared within 0.001% of a second of the film starting, I thought "We're back in the land of Jess Franco!"

That's bad news for most of us, by the way. There is a small fraction of the populace that rather enjoys a Franco film, but if you've sat through any of his films you know what to expect here: Endless scenes, much nudity and little sex, plenty of misogyny, and zoom shots.

Truth be told, this is nowhere near as painful as Succubus or Oasis of the Zombies, but it's also nowhere near as funny as White Cannibal Queen or the Devil Hunter. It involves Franco himself as a crazy ex-priest running around Paris carving up women that are involved in some sort of half-arsed black mass ceremony, with his prize being Lina Romay, who, surprisingly, spends most of the film naked or tied up and naked.

That's your plot, and reading that back over I realised that I've made Exorcism sound a bit exciting, which it's not. "Crazy ex-priest running around Paris" doesn't sound right. How about 'slowly moping around Paris, usually hiding behind things, staring"? Instead of 'carving up women' I'll say 'very slowly tormenting women and gibbering on about how they've got the devil in them for endless minutes'? I'll stick by the 'half-arsed black mass' though. Plus there's an orgy scene which seems to involve nothing but naked people writhing around and not doing much (and this is the early seventies – all them naked bodies must have reeked!). Additionally, there's this old guy who has a hilarious blue rinse, so watch out for that.

I loved how, when the dust settled and the film was over, the police just got back into their car and drove off, leaving all the bodies/victims behind. Hurrah for realism! Also, hurrah for nepotism as Franco himself gets to run his gnarled hands over quite a few naked actresses!This film gets an extra point for the sadly departed Lina Romay, who is the only good thing about this film. Do they have pubes in heaven?

I've just noticed Jess has now gone off to the soft-core film in the sky too. Shame - I know I rag on most of his films but still, he'll be missed.
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