Tibor Takacs is up to his neck in gigantically over-sized and embarrassingly terrible looking animals again, after his numerous previous failures like "Rats", "Kraken", "Ice Spiders" and "Mega Snake". Indeed his glory days of "I, Madman" and "The Gate" are long forgotten. What makes our friend Takacs one of the worst filmmakers of the genre nowadays is his unique ability to combine inept directing skills with horrible scenarios, lamentable computerized special effects and hopeless ensemble casts. Any movie he directs is already doomed from the beginning, and in this particular case he even manages to mess up the sequences with random day players! "Spiders" supposedly takes place in New York (although for obvious budget reasons the whole thing was filmed in Bulgaria) and more specifically in some of the most crowded subway stations and living blocks. Yet, in several of the mass hysteria sequences the New Yorkers are calm, gallant and well-organized. Even when on the streets and sidewalks, these New Yorkers walk nicely behind each other on a straight line. It's a ridiculous sight, I assure you. And that's just one tiny detail to illustrate the questionable quality level of "Spiders". Far more irritating elements include the clichéd script, predictable plot twists and the miserably fake interactions between lead couple Patrick Muldoon and Christa Campbell. I don't intend to sound unnecessarily rude, but Muldoon has the charisma of a overripe carrot and Campbell really ought to limit herself to roles similar to her Milk Maiden in "2001 Maniacs". The plot is one like thirteen in a dozen, with a new breed of deadly and incredibly fast growing spiders crawling out of an old piece of Soviet space satellite that crash-landed in the NY subway. In no time, a secret and hi-tech government research lab is raised in the underground and a wide living area is quarantined. The divorcing couple Jason and Rachel are both involved in the crisis through their professions, but most of all they are personally involved because their daughter remained behind in the quarantine zone. I read a few comparisons between this flick and "Eight Legged Freaks", but apart from how fake this spiders look in both movies, these titles have very few in common. "Spiders" takes itself painfully too serious, even when it goes completely OTT near the finale, when the "queen" roams the streets. I haven't seen the 3D-version, but I hardly think that one adds any value. Avoid!
