Family Ties (1982–1989)
1/10
Demented
23 December 2012
What exactly must be wrong with someone to not see through the incredible weirdness and lazy writing in this show? It's probably the same people go to church every Sunday and say "fudge" instead of...well, you know.

With every few exceptions, every single episode takes the easy way out. No matter what happens, it will always be solved by a heartfelt apology by the ever self-aware and good-hearted characters. The situations they get into are equally impossible to swallow and, even for a FICTIONAL TELEVISION SHOW, entirely unrealistic and vomit-inducing in their utter lack of respect for viewers whose brain development surpasses that of a two-year-old.

Characters fall in love with people they've barely met, they go out of their way to take in complete strangers and get involved in crap no sane person would ever get into. The mother actually mediates between a friend of her daughter's and the girl's mother when the girl gets knocked up--who the hell would ever get involved????? And what sane mother would let a complete stranger even so much as attempt to advise her on her stupid daughter getting fertilized at sixteen?

The older sister befriends a juvenile delinquent and thinks she can "fix" her. Do the parents open up their mouth to voice concern that Malory is letting a young girl with behavioural problems into their home? Or that the girl has severe psychological issues which Malory's "good heart" CANNOT FIX? The father is the most spineless, useless excuse of a man you'll ever see. When his daughter brings home a piece of street trash who speaks in grunts, he's afraid to tell her not to see him. As if she weren't his daughter, but some buddy of his. What a sad sack. Even the uneducated high-school drop-out that Malory brings home is portrayed as stupid but--you guessed it--a harmless boy with a heart of gold. 'Cause every one in this show is a god damned saint. In reality, illiterate guys from the wrong side of the tracks who dress in rags and speak in grunts are also on drugs or sell them or are involved any number of other illicit activities. That's what happens when you're poor. Just not in 'Family Ties,' which exists in the twilight zone.

The show was somewhat tolerable in the first and second seasons. Third and fourth were equally mixed with duds and the occasional halfway enjoyable episode, such as when Alex turns eighteen and challenges his mother's authority. The two actors had some great chemistry and experienced an actual clash, not some wishy-washy cutesy problem. The fifth season has truly begun to go downhill, and cast members have become increasingly uglier, such as the big-boned troll that plays the younger sister. Also, previously cute Bateman's face has begun to show the lizard-like mold into which it would grow in later years.

Overall, you'd have to be below the age of eight to not be annoyed by the lazy writing and the way all tension gets resolved without having ever even explored the issue in any halfway plausible manner. If you do take this show seriously and enjoy it without gritting your teeth at its stupidity, you probably believe unicorns exist too.
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