I haven't reviewed many bad films lately, so I thought it was time I slummed it a bit. With a name like Jurassic Shark, I couldn't resist this one. Stupid me. I wish I had more willpower.
Without a doubt, this is the most awful movie I think I've ever seen.
Right from the very start I knew it was going to be a turkey, but little did I know a whole Thanksgiving feast awaited me! The opening credits were of exactly the same quality and tempo as to make me think I'd rented a porn film by mistake. Those porn movies that do attempt a thin plot at least have sex and nudity going for them. Jurassic Shark had none of these things.
Instead, it has a total lack of acting ability. Even porn stars act better than these hopeless wannabees. The lines are terrible at the best of times but they are delivered so badly that it's not even funny to watch. It's just cringe-inducingly painful every time someone opens their mouth.
The plot is thinner than a cellophane wrapper, but it is still the best part of the "movie" and that ain't saying much.
If you watch this, and I counsel you NOT to, then wait for the priceless "special" effects involving the shark. It swims! It flies! It gobbles down victims with a noise like someone biting into an apple! It's superimposed, cheap CGI that will never look remotely realistic or convincing. Remember the good old days of movie making? You know, when people knew that they couldn't do something the way they wanted, so they used suggestion and worked the audience's imagination? Thanks to cheap-ass effects of the sort shown here, those days are long gone, friends. Mourn their loss.
Also superimposed are various explosions which look utterly fake.
I'm not sure what was going on here, or even how this movie managed to be included on IMDb. It's like some school project that went horribly wrong. The use of the similar name and font/logo to Jurassic Park is actually somewhat repugnant and I don't understand how people get away with this sort of thing.
If the film was half-way decent, or even funny in a bad movie kind of way, I'd be more inclined to leniency, but it isn't. It is just celluloid/digital garbage trying to cash-in on other movies' successes. The film equivalent of fake Gucci handbags or a Rolex knock-off.
However, cloud - silver-lining etc. At least I now know which names to avoid in future when I'm browsing the shelves.
SUMMARY: The worst "film" I've ever seen. DO NOT BOTHER with it!
Without a doubt, this is the most awful movie I think I've ever seen.
Right from the very start I knew it was going to be a turkey, but little did I know a whole Thanksgiving feast awaited me! The opening credits were of exactly the same quality and tempo as to make me think I'd rented a porn film by mistake. Those porn movies that do attempt a thin plot at least have sex and nudity going for them. Jurassic Shark had none of these things.
Instead, it has a total lack of acting ability. Even porn stars act better than these hopeless wannabees. The lines are terrible at the best of times but they are delivered so badly that it's not even funny to watch. It's just cringe-inducingly painful every time someone opens their mouth.
The plot is thinner than a cellophane wrapper, but it is still the best part of the "movie" and that ain't saying much.
If you watch this, and I counsel you NOT to, then wait for the priceless "special" effects involving the shark. It swims! It flies! It gobbles down victims with a noise like someone biting into an apple! It's superimposed, cheap CGI that will never look remotely realistic or convincing. Remember the good old days of movie making? You know, when people knew that they couldn't do something the way they wanted, so they used suggestion and worked the audience's imagination? Thanks to cheap-ass effects of the sort shown here, those days are long gone, friends. Mourn their loss.
Also superimposed are various explosions which look utterly fake.
I'm not sure what was going on here, or even how this movie managed to be included on IMDb. It's like some school project that went horribly wrong. The use of the similar name and font/logo to Jurassic Park is actually somewhat repugnant and I don't understand how people get away with this sort of thing.
If the film was half-way decent, or even funny in a bad movie kind of way, I'd be more inclined to leniency, but it isn't. It is just celluloid/digital garbage trying to cash-in on other movies' successes. The film equivalent of fake Gucci handbags or a Rolex knock-off.
However, cloud - silver-lining etc. At least I now know which names to avoid in future when I'm browsing the shelves.
SUMMARY: The worst "film" I've ever seen. DO NOT BOTHER with it!