Spring Break Shark Attack (2005 TV Movie)
10/10
Just bad, really really bad
21 April 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Arriving in Florida for Spring Break, Danielle (Shannon Lucio) catches up with her friends at their beach house and goes off into the local Spring Break scene. Hotel owner Mary (Kathy Baker) is happy for the incoming flux of college students, as it means more revenue for the town. Her son Shane, (Kiley Smith) however, is worried about the crowds. When Danielle goes looking for her brother, Charlie, (Wayne Thornley) the two have a little chemistry. As night falls, they get a little closer at a party. The next day, her friends throw a house-party, which gives Danielle a chance to get even closer to Shane, which annoys J.T. (Justin Baldoni) as he wants Danielle also. As they go out for a day of boating, a group of sharks appears around the boat. Escaping to a small island nearby to repair the boat, they make it back and warn the authorities, at the same time as the sharks come into shore. Danielle, Shane and Charlie team up to get the sharks away from land.

The Good News: the one main thing I was impressed most about this movie is the amount of gore shown. However, don't go into this thinking that we physically see limbs being bitten off or flesh being sliced. The movie's idea of gore is seeing massive amounts of blood spread from the area around the victim. Seeing a blood cloud is not gore, but at least it was something that I could say was there. More would've been appreciated, but I can't complain. The one thing that will get people to watch this is Shannon Lucio, who they accurately billed as the main star. Not only is she attractive, but she spends half the movie in a bikini or a revealing dress. She is a good actress and pulled off the role well, and could be the only reason why people would want to watch this. In addition to Lucio, it does have a few good moments in it. The finale is a real highlight, as the sharks attack the beach with no caution and circling a floating platform picking off the divers and those who fall off is a sight to see. That fact that it looks really thought out and is on screen for a long time is nice to see.

The Bad News: This movie is made for the MTV crowd, which p***es me off to no end. That means that the film is full of pop songs from current bands, stylized camera work and tons of women in bikini's and thongs. OK, that last part isn't that bad, but it only works when it is spread liberally throughout the film, instead of in the first few minutes. A couple people can be seen in bikinis during the party scenes, but it still isn't enough. The kinetic cutting of the film's action scenes is it's biggest weakness. It follows in the school of hyper fast cuts from different angles to make the scene "more exciting" instead makes it look so confusing we have to wait until after it is over to know what is going on. It gets aggravating because you want to see the action uninterrupted, and this tactic prevents that happening. It is a tactic that should be banned from all films from no until the end of time, as it contributes to the dumbing down of our culture by making them strain at something that should be free and clear. We want to see the action uncut and uninterrupted, and this prevents that. It takes forever for the attacks to appear, as the first forty minutes are teenage melodrama, something akin to "The O.C."

The Final Verdict: This might bore and anger off hard-core horror fans, but it may serve the purpose of getting younger people into the genre. Enjoying this film may prove to be a stepping stone for younger people who may have an interest and want to get into the genre. Hard-core fans, stay farther away than a ten-foot pole from this movie.

Rated R: Graphic after-attacks of sharks, many scenes involving giant blood flows, Adult Language, a scene of attempted rape, very Brief Nudity, and scenes involving alcohol
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