Musta jää (2007)
4/10
The Mating Patterns of Fat White Old People
30 June 2009
Warning: Spoilers
European cinema, eh? Where would we be without it? Its reputation for stripping the central characters down to bare flesh (figuratively and literally) to probe their dark recesses won't be done any disservice by Musta Jää, that's for goddam sure. The reviews which pulled me into the cinema featured buzzwords such as "entertaining and thought-provoking", yet somehow I came away from this film feeling like I had myself been violated (and not in a good way). You'll know the basic plot from the other reviews, so lemme say why I don't think it works.

First off, the protagonists are simply not credible. Look at Saara's character arc - from madly-in-love, 40-year-old respectable OBGYN to borderline nutjob near-divorcée who is happy to shtup (significantly younger) men and women alike. And for all her knowledge of psychology, she seems all too able to disassociate cause and effect - she wants her husband's girlfriend to "disappear", to "never have existed", even though it's clear the problem is not the existence of the girlfriend but the existence of the husband.

And what is it with Leo? Played by 46 year old pock-faced, slack-buttocked actor Martti Suosalo, the guy is sold to us as prime slice of Finnish beefcake, irresistible to women dozens of years younger than him because he professes architecture at the local polytech. Am I the only one that has doubts here? Maybe so, as even Tuuli (the girlfriend, competently played by Ria Kataja) finds Leo "amazing" and openly embarks on a year-long affair with him (incidentally, of all the pork scenes in this movie, not once do we see her banging Leo - no complaints here). But Leo's just not that bright or charismatic to warrant the multiple women supposedly ensnared by him. Suasalo's low-rent-Gary-Oldman turn sells us a dumb schmoe who's unable to keep his pants on. What's so thought-provoking about that?

Ultimately, though, the behaviour portrayed in this film is well worth a head-scratch or two. The threesome in this love triangle repeatedly bounce back towards one another in circumstances where each one of them should do a Paavo Nurmi and run a mile, yet Petri Kotwica doesn't really explore why they do this or offer any justification for it. They are just three spinning tops in a bowl, circling and clashing until each falls down - the demise of Leo seems unsurprising, totally justified and 90 minutes too late, and when Kotwica employs a deus ex machina to arrive at the only truly tense scene at the end of the movie (Tuuli under Saara's knife), the result seems contrived.

Notwithstanding the beautiful scenery and haunting music, this is a difficult movie to recommend.
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