Lesbian vampires' are not a new toy to ponder with, with the likes of "Carmilla" being written in 1872 and the first lesbian vampire to be put onto celluloid as early as 1936 with "Dracula's Daughter" and of course, the legend that is Hammer Horror had to play their part too.
It's all part of the myth and the titillation of this female blood lusted long toothed vampiric sex appeal, suggestive, as it may have been since her first creation and throughout her life. Examples as "Vampyros Lesbos" (1971) and "The Hunger" (1983) standing to take the more erotic stance than the suggestiveness of a hidden look, a darkened room to hide her pleasure and a moment lost, the censorship's have been cruel to her ways, but the times have now truly changed.
The latest sex-drive of this female fantasy comes along in the guise of "Lesbian Vampires Killers", a guise too, if preferred, in the shape of the old Hammer Film Productions circa of "The Vampire Lovers" (1970), a contemporary version, then, of Sheridan Le Fanu's "Carmilla".
This genre has now been striped down and is a fully loaded parable of the way of the lady vampires', that's lesbian lady vamp, though a somewhat sedate and too laid bare for any real scope of narrative and personality, it is, in the end, a glorified T & A, comic book if at all black comedy.
Phil Claydon (Dir), Paul Hupfield and Stewart Williams (writers') are not unfamiliar to comedy, but this, sadly, just misses the mark. The heart of the matter is that it's a shallow attempt into fooling this genre that it is something it isn't. This fallen toothpick of a movie comes not even close to a forester's grand Oak and all we see here is how the mighty has fallen, not just for this genre but also for British cinema. It's a paint-by-numbers toss-fest of the lowest common denominator, showing no respect for the days of the colourful and camp allure of the decades past, it's a white elephant with little scope to deal with imagination and brilliance. In fact, this dwarf star has so little character that one has to ask, "What is the point?" the point being is that the joke is, intentionally, on us.
It is not we who are having the last laugh here, although there may be the odd titter seen in the occasional one-liner, but this is too stable and controlled for its own virtue and with all what is left there is just "nothingness". The character of Paul McGann ("Withnail & I" (1987) and The Monocled Mutineer (1986 TV series)), as "the Vicar" is the only redeemable trait here, at least there is something worthy of merit, he's a strong personality and he outshines as the foulmouthed "Vicar Van Helsing" the fearless vampire killer styled yokel.
The wasted opportunity to use such an interesting, thought provoking and daring title has really fallen to the wayside, it's a wasted exercise in how to perk the taste buds of interest and then blow cold air into the proceedings to deflate the whole point of parody and homage. Commercial is the word of the day but so why cannot "inventiveness" too be integrated in this sorrowful affair, why? Because it just is not the issue, it just is not the direction that Lesbian Vampire Killers wants to take, this knew which direction to set its mark and it ran with its head down, backside up and billowed in the winds of stale, mediocrity, puerile commercialism.
Ironically, the only factor worth is salt is its title, but, it shall be the contents behind the comic strip that shall bleed itself dry and wilt, if that's the bag your into, then be my guest, you'll only end up weeping in your hands. Don't say I didn't warn you.
It's all part of the myth and the titillation of this female blood lusted long toothed vampiric sex appeal, suggestive, as it may have been since her first creation and throughout her life. Examples as "Vampyros Lesbos" (1971) and "The Hunger" (1983) standing to take the more erotic stance than the suggestiveness of a hidden look, a darkened room to hide her pleasure and a moment lost, the censorship's have been cruel to her ways, but the times have now truly changed.
The latest sex-drive of this female fantasy comes along in the guise of "Lesbian Vampires Killers", a guise too, if preferred, in the shape of the old Hammer Film Productions circa of "The Vampire Lovers" (1970), a contemporary version, then, of Sheridan Le Fanu's "Carmilla".
This genre has now been striped down and is a fully loaded parable of the way of the lady vampires', that's lesbian lady vamp, though a somewhat sedate and too laid bare for any real scope of narrative and personality, it is, in the end, a glorified T & A, comic book if at all black comedy.
Phil Claydon (Dir), Paul Hupfield and Stewart Williams (writers') are not unfamiliar to comedy, but this, sadly, just misses the mark. The heart of the matter is that it's a shallow attempt into fooling this genre that it is something it isn't. This fallen toothpick of a movie comes not even close to a forester's grand Oak and all we see here is how the mighty has fallen, not just for this genre but also for British cinema. It's a paint-by-numbers toss-fest of the lowest common denominator, showing no respect for the days of the colourful and camp allure of the decades past, it's a white elephant with little scope to deal with imagination and brilliance. In fact, this dwarf star has so little character that one has to ask, "What is the point?" the point being is that the joke is, intentionally, on us.
It is not we who are having the last laugh here, although there may be the odd titter seen in the occasional one-liner, but this is too stable and controlled for its own virtue and with all what is left there is just "nothingness". The character of Paul McGann ("Withnail & I" (1987) and The Monocled Mutineer (1986 TV series)), as "the Vicar" is the only redeemable trait here, at least there is something worthy of merit, he's a strong personality and he outshines as the foulmouthed "Vicar Van Helsing" the fearless vampire killer styled yokel.
The wasted opportunity to use such an interesting, thought provoking and daring title has really fallen to the wayside, it's a wasted exercise in how to perk the taste buds of interest and then blow cold air into the proceedings to deflate the whole point of parody and homage. Commercial is the word of the day but so why cannot "inventiveness" too be integrated in this sorrowful affair, why? Because it just is not the issue, it just is not the direction that Lesbian Vampire Killers wants to take, this knew which direction to set its mark and it ran with its head down, backside up and billowed in the winds of stale, mediocrity, puerile commercialism.
Ironically, the only factor worth is salt is its title, but, it shall be the contents behind the comic strip that shall bleed itself dry and wilt, if that's the bag your into, then be my guest, you'll only end up weeping in your hands. Don't say I didn't warn you.