Review of Crusoe

Crusoe (2008–2009)
1/10
A very bad series
4 March 2009
Warning: Spoilers
I find "Crusoe" to be a very strange series. First of all, I just can't determine what sort of genre is supposed to fit it. The show premiere featured tons of comic scenes and witty jokes and I for one genuinely thought that "Crusoe" is meant to be a comedy. A pretty good one, to say the truth. The pilot episode was great, very funny and highly enjoyable. I laughed at how Crusoe and Friday disposed of all those pirates, what a spoof-of-a-real-Robinson-Crusoe-house they had, the hilarious dialogues that were said. I thought it was a parody of Defoe's legendary Robinson Crusoe. But then came the second episode, then the third and I realized the creators are trying to sell this as drama! And humor mixed with drama has to be very subtle or else it becomes a deadly and atrocious compound… In this case, the latter applies. So there you go, I'll review these series as serious ones.

  To begin with, this TV show is extremely different from its source material – a novel. Crusoe should be a deprivation worn, beard sporting passionate Roman Catholic, not a sporty lookin', ever fighting model. Friday – a humble, scarcely English speaking native, who is forever grateful to Crusoe for rescuing him and the one that would never put his own matters before Crusoe's. But right here, he is an English linguist with the power of Rambo and bow felicity that'd make Robin Hood envious. Actually, in the book, the very first word Crusoe taught Friday was "master" to call him. Only later during the years did they bond and Crusoe considered the man a close friend, but in this show, the whole timeline is tangled all over, you can get the feeling ships occasionally pass by the island every week, while, in Defoe's creation, Crusoe saw the first Europeans on the island only after a few decades of isolation, if I remember correctly.  

Secondly, almost all the stories depicted in the show are extremely unrealistic, stupid and corny to say the least. It has all the bad movie clichés – villains shooting and always missing, unlimited ammo for heroes, women fighting as strong as men, heroes getting beaten for a little bit, but quickly recovering without any signs of injuries, heroes hiding in the jungle and seeing everything while their enemies – nothing and so on and so on… Moreover, the story is very repetitive, every time it's either Crusoe saving Friday or vice versa. Can't they think of something more ingenious? Every episode has tons of ridiculous nuances. The whole plot of the second episode was some sort of a computer game imitation and Indiana Jones spoof. I mean, how can there be opening tombs and traps in an uninhabited island? What about Friday having prophetic dreams? What, is this mystery show now? The whole story with mutineers was unprecedentedly dumb as well. Hell, the scene where Crusoe, a castaway stranded on the island for 8 years (according to this script) sees a harbored ship and is just casually looking at it is outrageously bad – a real Robinson would run screaming down the beach just to be rescued. And In the very end when the ship was leaving, couldn't have Crusoe been more insistent on taking him along? Couldn't he have overthrown the old captain with his great agility and strength and become the new leader. The crew didn't seem to mind any changes in the authority that had previously happened. And that girl only had to say "You won't have a surgeon on a ship if those two aren't travelling with us" instead of "I won't be here if you don't let them leave". This is super plain stupid! As is the fact no one could recognize that she was actually a girl. In the very first scene I saw the character, I knew it was either a transvestite actor or a woman playing Oliver.  

The props would look beautiful if not for their stupidity. Real Crusoe wouldn't have so many clothes left; in fact, he'd be wearing hay pants or something, since the clothes would have disintegrated in 8-year-time being used in harsh environment. He certainly wouldn't have built such a science-fiction-worthy house even if he had the materials to build it. House the size of a mansion? A windmill or something resembling it in the background? A wooden lift? Really? Are you kiddin'?   I think people who enjoy these series haven't read the original "Robinson Crusoe" book, because they would be insulted by this sacrilege as much as I am.   There is not a single good thing I could say about this show, it's childish and horrible.

1/10
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