Review of Carnage

Carnage (1984)
4/10
Carnage
13 January 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Andy Milligan schlockfest concerning newlyweds and their pals terrorized by the restless spirit of a murdered bride who wishes for those who occupy her humble abode to leave. This very disturbed ghost bride causes objects of all sorts to move, harm, and kill those who are in, or around, the home for which her husband blew her brains out before turning the gun on himself. Whether it be the newly hired maid or a pair of burglars who just so happen to pick the wrong house to attempt to rob, the bride will frighten and destroy you with whatever weapon might be at her disposal. Michael Chiodo and Leslie Den Dooven are the newlywed couple, The Hendersons, who fail to leave despite the weird goings-on(..such as a phonograph which plays the melody of "Here Comes the Bride.." over and over or home appliances and tea cups continuously moved around when their backs are turned)and this decision to stay, including a housewarming which leads to a friend slipping on a rug moved by the apparition with broken glass landing into her skin, opening a very bloody wound, and another pal taking a bath when a radio is thrown into the water electrocuting him, will yield repercussions. Like The Amityville Horror, The Hendersons, against obvious signs that something supernatural is present, remain while most of us would get a clue and head out of Dodge. Will The Hendersons be able to survive inside this haunted house or leave while the going's good?

Following the footsteps of Ed Wood, Al Adamson, and Hershell Gordon Lewis, Andy Milligan lends his support to the bad movie movement, writing, photographing and directing(..maybe he even catered for all we know)this flat, snail-paced, poorly performed disaster with hokey gore and poltergeist effects. A supposedly decapitated hand literally falls out of a shirt sleeve. You can tell that strings are pulling the objects which are supposed to move by themselves. The terror scenes which feature the ghost bride(..whose eyes are completely white, featuring blood on her wedding gown)popping up to freak out her victims are embarrassingly corny(..particularly the attack on the maid). As a horror film, this doesn't work at all, but as a comedy, unintentional or not(..I had a feeling, Milligan features quite a bit of intentional comedic haunt bits throughout, in particular the pranks the bride pulls on The Hendersons, hiding a notepad or hanging up a phone when a person was on the opposite line;even the scene where the bathing victim is electrocuted, he's singing to polka music from the very radio which ultimately kills him!)it often entertains. Milligan's cast resemble amateur actors who probably made appearances in a local theater or were friends of his. The practical effects often feature poor make-up, where the wounds are, with squirting blood. The film features amusing dialogue between characters conversing about trivial matters. There are conversations between a secondary character and her psychiatrist mom(..about a deteriorating marriage, and upcoming pregnancy)which has little to do with the major storyline...the relationship problems between Walter(John Garrit)and Susan(Deeann Veeder)which they share with moms takes up large portions of the film, probably servicing the film as filler, before they accept the dreaded housewarming invite from The Hendersons. I did particularly enjoy the banter between Carol's father and his meddlesome maid, Martha, who calls to her attention that the house might be haunted, with pops telling her to quit talking such nonsense..how aggrevated they are with each other. The film does feature melodrama which brings a rather surreal awkwardness when the graphic violence occurs..it was as if Milligan was attempting to make two films, and neither is very good! The characters featured in this film reminded me of those kooky relatives you love but often wish to avoid. The editing during the supernatural attacks will probably either induce groaning, pity, or laughter. Possibly features the worst decapitation ever produced and the flying hatchet which targets a priest(..not to mention the whole sequence where the spirits of Ann and Mark Webb cause a maelstrom with intent to harm the priest)will elicit certain chuckles. The scene where another robber is stuck in the throat with a pitchfork, containing a horribly executed "guts removal" will also tickle the funny bone of many. The ending, where the Webbs wish for The Hendersons to remain, provoking a possible "reinactment" of their demise, doesn't really make a hell of a lot of sense.
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