Seinfeld: The Library (1991)
Season 3, Episode 5
10/10
"Bad year for libraries..."
12 April 2008
In 1990, Stephen King's Four Past Midnight hit the shelves: a collection of four tales of horror, it got particularly gruesome in the section called The Library Policeman, a wince-inducing yarn that toyed with the idea of the eponymous "law enforcer". Why am I mentioning this? Because this episode of Seinfeld provides its own take on the figure, and while it is considerably lighter in tone than King's version, it most certainly qualifies as equally smart.

The events of the show are set in motion when Jerry receives a note telling him he still hasn't returned a library book he borrowed in high school (!). Utterly convinced something is wrong, he goes to the library to complain. Two more story lines stem from here: firstly, Kramer becomes infatuated with a librarian ("She needs a bit of Kramer!" Jerry: "Yeah, and then she'll need a shot of penicillin."); secondly, George thinks a hobo sitting outside the building is actually his old gym teacher, a man who used to torment him by deliberately mispronouncing his name: Cantstandya instead of Costanza. In the end, Jerry is forced to deal with Lt. Bookman (Philip Baker Hall) himself, which means there will be a lecture on how everything gets worse, year after year.

"Yeah, '71, that was my first year on the job... bad year for libraries, bad year for America...". That's how Baker Hall, one of the greatest character actors in recent film history, introduces The Library's best scene. Remembered by most people as the sad/manipulative character in the likes of Sydney, Boogie Nights and Magnolia, he has never really hit it big with a cinematic comedy. Sure, his minor role in Bruce Almighty was fun to watch, but a bit of a wasted opportunity. Here, instead, he succeeds in comically deforming his trademark persona while retaining a sort of realistic charm, with the result of Bookman being hilarious, but still believable as a human being. In fact, after seeing this, I kind of wonder whether '91 was good or bad for libraries...
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