5/10
"I'd sooner eat cow dung." So bad it's almost good.
22 December 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Hawk the Slayer starts as the evil disfigured Voltan (Jack Palance) orders his father (Ferdy Mayne) to tell him the secret of his magical powers, he refuses & Voltan sticks him with his sword before his brother the all round good egg Hawk (John Terry) turns up & their father actually gives him the secret of his power the Elven Mindstone. Left somewhat bitter by the experience & the fact that the love of his life Eliane (Cartiona MacColl) chose to marry his brother Hawk over himself & made her feelings perfectly clear by sticking a flaming torch of fire into his face Voltan decides to get even, Voltan & his gang of men kidnap a Nun named Abbess (Annette Crosbie) & demands 2,000 pieces of gold as a ransom. Unable to pay the other Nun's send a one handed guy named Ranulf (William Gordon Sheppard) to find Hawk & convince him to help their cause & save Abbess...

This English production was co-written & directed by Terry Marcel & is one of those so bad it's good type sword & sorcery fantasy adventure films. The script by Marcel together with producer & music composer Harry Robertson takes itself extremely seriously & if chock full of simply hilarious dialogue which is so camp yet is delivered & edited in such a way that one gets the impression director Marcel thought it was Shakespeare. The story is weak using the typical fantasy adventure stereotypes like a giant, an elf & a dwarf as well as a clean cut gooder than good hero all with absolute minimal character development. The central story is odd as well, I mean Voltan kidnaps a Nun so Hawk & his gang steal the gold to pay the ransom which just seems strange really. While watching Hawk the Slayer which is set almost entirely within some very English looking woods featuring fights between men with bows & arrows, swords & crossbows & they ride around on horseback I couldn't help but sit there thinking that I was watching a fantasy version of Robin Hood! I mean Hawk is the Robin character, the giant, the elf, dwarf & one handed bloke are his band of merry men & Voltan is the Sheriff of Nottingham bad guy character while Eliane was the Maid Marian love interest. I don't know, maybe it's just me but that's the impression I got from the film as a whole. At least the film moves along at a nice enough pace, it certainly isn't boring with lots of fights & that hilarious dialogue means it's pretty funny even if it is unintentional.

Director Marcel must have been working on a low budget because there's never any villages or towns or anything to even suggest that it's set anywhere other than an English wood, just look at the scene with the blacksmith for instance when he has his equipment set up in the middle of a wood with no cover, house, workshop or anything. Besides the fact that being located in the middle of nowhere which would't be good for business what if it started to rain? He'd be buggered then wouldn't he? The film looks really cheap with the final fight containing what looks like glow in the dark tennis balls to stand in for magical orbs, the special effects are OK but not that great & there's no monsters in it either. For some reason part of the final showdown fight seems to take place in what looks like a snow storm inside a Church! There are also other fight scenes set in fog where you can barely make out whats happening. I'm not sure if this was made with an adult audience in mind, it's quite violent on occasion with various fights & quite a number of death's but there's no blood or gore & one feels that maybe the filmmakers were undecided about the tone they wanted.

Technically the film is alright, despite being almost entirely set within some woods somewhere in England it's reasonably well made. Some of the special effects are better than other's & I'm not having the whole 'giant' thing either, I mean he's not so much a giant as just a quite tall man! Hardly worthy of the title giant. Everyone plays this totally straight & I'm surprised they kept a straight face with some of the dialogue, there's a fair few recognisable British actor's here including Bernard Bresslaw, Harry Andrews, Annette Crosbie, Roy Kinnear, Warren Clarke & Patrick Magee. Also appearing in this is Catriona MacColl who is probably better know for her roles in the gore drenched Italian exploitation flicks City of the Living Dead (1980), The Beyond (1981) & The House by the Cemetery (1981) which I mention only because I'm a big fan of those films! John Terry makes for one of the most blandest of fantasy film hero's ever & for all English football fans it's not the same John Terry who is the current England & Chelsea defender!

Hawk the Slayer is a silly, often unintentionally hilarious fantasy adventure that at least isn't boring & if your in the right frame of mind it will provide 90 odd minutes of light hearted fun, it ain't brilliant but it ain't too bad.
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