Hi everybody, I'm just taking time out of my busy day to warn you about a little sale they have on at Woolies at the moment. This is a shop in the UK, so for everyone residing outside our great shores this doesn't apply. Go and read a comic, or something. The cheapest item within, are DVDs all reduced in price... and there are some real good ones too. The Full Monty for £3? The Sting for £2?? BARGAIN!! However, I'm not here to recommend you take advantage any of these no doubt great offers. If you look deep in the video section, you will find the dregs of the discount counter. You know, all the budget flicks that no-ones ever heard of for a quid each. Most of which will be crappy horror films. Somewhere in this pool of slime, you might find a case. What it says on the front will be ' Don't Go In The Attic'. This is deceptive, as what it should really read as is 'Don't watch this unless you want to waste 90 minutes of your life'.
For what we have here, is a prince among bad motion pictures, a wart on the bum that is the world of B-movies. Or should that be Z-movies as in: falling asleep because it is so bloody boring. I made a funny. Ha ha. Guess what else? It's British. For shame, for shame. Someone should have pulled the plug early on, and donated all the monies from production to people suffering from the handicap that is the third nipple. Yep, a pretty minor charity, but it would still have been better spent on those poor souls than on this pile of camel dung. This is literally the type of film where you scratch your head afterwards, while saying out loud: WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING?! The dialogue! The special effects! The plot! The acting! The ugly leading guy with a pony-tail who somehow gets two sexy English roses to sleep with him! Everything about it screams WRONG WRONG WRONG and yet here I am, reviewing it still in absolute awe at its sheer dreadfulness. My parameters of how terrible movies can be have been changed forever, and calling it Devil's Harvest in other countries is not going to make sitting through the spectacle a less painful experience. Nice try though, guys.
So class, what have we learnt today? 1. I am a pathetic comedian, 2. Using the CAPS button in the middle of a paragraph is foolish and 3. By no means, even if your sorry life depended on it, touch DGITA with a 60 foot bargepole. Unless that bargepole has a stick of dynamite attached to it. In which case, you have my 100% support. That's about it for it now, DISMISSED! Oh yeah, my end of term grade is 0/10. Wear it with pride, and GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!
For what we have here, is a prince among bad motion pictures, a wart on the bum that is the world of B-movies. Or should that be Z-movies as in: falling asleep because it is so bloody boring. I made a funny. Ha ha. Guess what else? It's British. For shame, for shame. Someone should have pulled the plug early on, and donated all the monies from production to people suffering from the handicap that is the third nipple. Yep, a pretty minor charity, but it would still have been better spent on those poor souls than on this pile of camel dung. This is literally the type of film where you scratch your head afterwards, while saying out loud: WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING?! The dialogue! The special effects! The plot! The acting! The ugly leading guy with a pony-tail who somehow gets two sexy English roses to sleep with him! Everything about it screams WRONG WRONG WRONG and yet here I am, reviewing it still in absolute awe at its sheer dreadfulness. My parameters of how terrible movies can be have been changed forever, and calling it Devil's Harvest in other countries is not going to make sitting through the spectacle a less painful experience. Nice try though, guys.
So class, what have we learnt today? 1. I am a pathetic comedian, 2. Using the CAPS button in the middle of a paragraph is foolish and 3. By no means, even if your sorry life depended on it, touch DGITA with a 60 foot bargepole. Unless that bargepole has a stick of dynamite attached to it. In which case, you have my 100% support. That's about it for it now, DISMISSED! Oh yeah, my end of term grade is 0/10. Wear it with pride, and GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!