Review of Steal Me

Steal Me (2005)
6/10
Everything's Jake
10 July 2007
Okay - let's cut to the chase - everyone wants Jake. Sexually, that is. There's more to this film than just a young stranger crashing with a farm family. This movie positively screams unrequited passion. Jake (an unremarkable Danny Alexander) is a serial thief who is ostensibly on the hunt for his wanton mom, but ends up being befriended by fresh as paint farm boy Hunter (Tucker Parrish). Everyone here is obviously (for some reason) in lust with this troubled teen, especially Hunter, whose Oedipal complex would make Oedipus say 'duh'. The two take out their sexual energies for each other with fists, not frolic, but that's the kind of film this is. Hunter's mom (an excellent Cara Seymour) suppresses her secret desires for her own son by deflecting them onto Jake, and even Hunter's butch daddy seems to be in lust with Jake, wandering into the barn where he is sleeping just to 'see if everything's okay'. Hunter's pre-pubescent sister even gets into the act, with Jake telling her how beautiful she is and her 'coming of age' timed to his arrival. After an hour of all this unspoken steam, the film starts to meander and it is apparent (admitted by film maker Melissa Painter on the DVD commentary) that the movie was was being scripted as they went along. In the end, there's no great revelation here, about Jake's past or anything else, so suit yourself. But if you like to watch Montana farm folk squirm with secret lust, this flick may be for you.
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