Since I wasn't a member of Netflix at the time I heard about DANTE'S COVE, I bought a copy instead, hoping for the best but not expecting it. Good thing I aimed my expectations low. Turns out that this series is everything you've heard about and more...AND less. The white sand beaches of the location (the Turks and Caicos Islands standing in for California) are breathtaking, as is the highly buffed, burnished and achingly photogenic cast, who (as it has been pointed out more than once) were not exactly hired for their acting chops. Even the seasoned vet of the bunch, Tracy Scoggins, goes WAAAAY over the top, veering from high camp into something that's painfully uncomfortable to watch.
But I can't honestly say that the cast is completely to blame, either, because the script at times smells like a pro-baseball player's cleated kicks after extra innings. Simply shoehorning a gay sensibility into old DARK SHADOWS leftovers is NOT writing, but since this was a first, I will hope that the scribes collected themselves by Season Two.
The plot, as I can best understand it, involves a warlock by the name of Ambrosius (William Gregory Lee), who is due to wed a powerful witch named Grace (Scoggins) in 1840. Grace is one bitch of a witch, by the way - very possessive and jealous. So much so, in fact, that in the first five minutes of Episode One, she 86'es a young lass passing by just for making googly eyes at her fiancée!
Little does Grace know that Ambrosius is only interested in one thing...and it ain't sex, sweetie. THAT Ambrosius is getting from his burly, buffed butler - who gives a whole new meaning to the term "MAN-servant." Ambrosius only wants to learn the secrets of his bride-to-be's dark powers as one of the 'witches of Tresum' (don't ask.) But poor 'Bro' is going to have to put his plans for ethereal espionage on hold, once Grace finds out what his real tastes are. She promptly blasts the "other man" into oblivion and traps her cheatin' cutie in a dungeon within their house for a couple of centuries...the house which eventually becomes the Hotel Dante.
Enter hot young lovers Kevin and Toby, (Gregory Michael and Charlie David, respectively). Kevin's dealing with the usual problems of his sexuality and parents who just don't understand, (or want to). Toby's dealing with the problems of juggling a job at the Hotel and his tumultuous relationship, and both of them are dealing with the baggage they bring into the picture as well (I'll spare you the terrible acting and worse dialogue).
Anyway, Kevin moves into the hotel with Toby, meets the assorted straight, bi and gay guests and staff there (who always seem to be in various states of undress and slathered with baby oil.) People have every kind of hot, simulated sex imaginable, and somewhere along the line a party breaks out. But what's this? Kevin's having dreams and hearing voices...especially one that beckons him to an old, locked trapdoor in the basement...
Well, it doesn't take Stephen Hawking to figure out where it all goes from here. There's a lot of plot points to slag through here that will have you groaning and rolling your eyes heavenward, plus there's a persistent soundtrack that seems to be more Eighties-inspired than present-day. But if you like eye-candy and lots of it, DANTE'S is more than ready to help you fill your brain and libido with yummy, empty calories.
I'm sorry I bought this instead of renting it, but I'm not sorry I saw it. I'll just consider this a lesson learned and make damn sure that I RENT Season Two. I would suggest that you save a few bucks and do likewise.
But I can't honestly say that the cast is completely to blame, either, because the script at times smells like a pro-baseball player's cleated kicks after extra innings. Simply shoehorning a gay sensibility into old DARK SHADOWS leftovers is NOT writing, but since this was a first, I will hope that the scribes collected themselves by Season Two.
The plot, as I can best understand it, involves a warlock by the name of Ambrosius (William Gregory Lee), who is due to wed a powerful witch named Grace (Scoggins) in 1840. Grace is one bitch of a witch, by the way - very possessive and jealous. So much so, in fact, that in the first five minutes of Episode One, she 86'es a young lass passing by just for making googly eyes at her fiancée!
Little does Grace know that Ambrosius is only interested in one thing...and it ain't sex, sweetie. THAT Ambrosius is getting from his burly, buffed butler - who gives a whole new meaning to the term "MAN-servant." Ambrosius only wants to learn the secrets of his bride-to-be's dark powers as one of the 'witches of Tresum' (don't ask.) But poor 'Bro' is going to have to put his plans for ethereal espionage on hold, once Grace finds out what his real tastes are. She promptly blasts the "other man" into oblivion and traps her cheatin' cutie in a dungeon within their house for a couple of centuries...the house which eventually becomes the Hotel Dante.
Enter hot young lovers Kevin and Toby, (Gregory Michael and Charlie David, respectively). Kevin's dealing with the usual problems of his sexuality and parents who just don't understand, (or want to). Toby's dealing with the problems of juggling a job at the Hotel and his tumultuous relationship, and both of them are dealing with the baggage they bring into the picture as well (I'll spare you the terrible acting and worse dialogue).
Anyway, Kevin moves into the hotel with Toby, meets the assorted straight, bi and gay guests and staff there (who always seem to be in various states of undress and slathered with baby oil.) People have every kind of hot, simulated sex imaginable, and somewhere along the line a party breaks out. But what's this? Kevin's having dreams and hearing voices...especially one that beckons him to an old, locked trapdoor in the basement...
Well, it doesn't take Stephen Hawking to figure out where it all goes from here. There's a lot of plot points to slag through here that will have you groaning and rolling your eyes heavenward, plus there's a persistent soundtrack that seems to be more Eighties-inspired than present-day. But if you like eye-candy and lots of it, DANTE'S is more than ready to help you fill your brain and libido with yummy, empty calories.
I'm sorry I bought this instead of renting it, but I'm not sorry I saw it. I'll just consider this a lesson learned and make damn sure that I RENT Season Two. I would suggest that you save a few bucks and do likewise.