Lame, cheesy Italian movie(enough said) about a hugely buff David Hasselhoff wannabee who does just about nothing throughout the whole film except flex his pecs and walk around a lot. The 'plot' is about an island about to be blown up by a volcano, whose inhabitants just HAPPENED to be rescued by the over muscled pin head who shows up n a raft just in time! Either these folks have really efficient Gods, or this is all a dream sequence a la Dallas.
Anyhoo, these folk(most of whom are REALLY skinny guys in loin clothes) float around for awhile and then end up on another island. This 'island' has more land on it than the whole of Asia, but whatever. Cheese Steak...errr....Maciste...wandered around and then gets shot by some hunters, who apparently were following the grand centuries old tradition of getting completely soused before they went out to hunt. The survivors, meanwhile, are herded together by a bunch of guys wearing patterned table clothes on their heads and equally short, silly loin cloths(What is it with the Italians and their fascination with tiny loin cloths!). They all end up in the village of the Urius(I think that's what they were called, anyway), who are being threatened by a local tribe of head hunters. We're deep in HUH territory by now, because you're trying to figure out what Greeek island had that much mass, and was also infested with head hunters.
There's some fighting, which our 'hero' sits out of, but then this bloated puss actually does very little fighting throughout the film, despite the fact that he's the big, bad star. The people get taken by the head hunters, and their Queen is being forced to marry a bearded Kermit the Frog(okay his name is Kermes, but the way that everyone says it makes it sound like Kermit). There's long parts where nothing happened, and Colussus(or Cheese Steak, or whatever) wanders around a set with a gay guy. Then there's a climactic last fight, in which AGAIN out hero sits out most of it! Thn he leaves on his raft, and is followed by the Queen(so she likes gay men? Well, whatever floats your...errr....raft, Lady). He tells her that his life is nothing but danger, which is a laugh and half considering how little he actually did in this film. And th at's it, as they sail off into the sunset. I wish that they'd LITERALLY sailed off into the sunset, that would have been funny to watch.
Anyhoo, these folk(most of whom are REALLY skinny guys in loin clothes) float around for awhile and then end up on another island. This 'island' has more land on it than the whole of Asia, but whatever. Cheese Steak...errr....Maciste...wandered around and then gets shot by some hunters, who apparently were following the grand centuries old tradition of getting completely soused before they went out to hunt. The survivors, meanwhile, are herded together by a bunch of guys wearing patterned table clothes on their heads and equally short, silly loin cloths(What is it with the Italians and their fascination with tiny loin cloths!). They all end up in the village of the Urius(I think that's what they were called, anyway), who are being threatened by a local tribe of head hunters. We're deep in HUH territory by now, because you're trying to figure out what Greeek island had that much mass, and was also infested with head hunters.
There's some fighting, which our 'hero' sits out of, but then this bloated puss actually does very little fighting throughout the film, despite the fact that he's the big, bad star. The people get taken by the head hunters, and their Queen is being forced to marry a bearded Kermit the Frog(okay his name is Kermes, but the way that everyone says it makes it sound like Kermit). There's long parts where nothing happened, and Colussus(or Cheese Steak, or whatever) wanders around a set with a gay guy. Then there's a climactic last fight, in which AGAIN out hero sits out most of it! Thn he leaves on his raft, and is followed by the Queen(so she likes gay men? Well, whatever floats your...errr....raft, Lady). He tells her that his life is nothing but danger, which is a laugh and half considering how little he actually did in this film. And th at's it, as they sail off into the sunset. I wish that they'd LITERALLY sailed off into the sunset, that would have been funny to watch.