Let's just face facts here - no one sits down to watch a movie called Frankenfish and expects a good movie. If somebody does, well, he most likely doesn't have the ability to read this review anyway and thus won't be offended by anything I'm about to say.
Now I don't know if this is a positive or a negative, but amazingly, Frankenfish is not nearly as bad as you'd expect. In other words, it's easier to watch than a shirtless David Hasselhoff photo session. The problem is that in an effort to avoid being as bad as humanly possible, the movie never lets itself achieve the level of cheese it could and should have.
For example, when I hear the term "Frankenfish" I want a fish that's been pieced together from several different species. A shark snout here, a dolphin fin there, the eye of a bream, something really freakish like that. So the revelation that we're just dealing with genetically-altered fish is a bit of a letdown. However, the film is not without its highlights. Just check out some of this stellar dialogue:
"I should've never dated swamp girl."
"His head is missing!"
"So I guess we're having filet-of-swamp monster."
"You look good for a girl covered in fish brains."
My guess is they visited local elementary schools and let 5th graders submit lines they thought would be cool to use in a "stupid fish movie."
Basically, this is another "creature feature" with production values resembling that of a home video, hot chicks as scientists (I'm not complaining), characters acting nonchalant over other characters being killed, and characters just generally acting stupid.
For example, these morons are stuck on a houseboat. It's dark. It's murky. A gigantic fish is swimming around looking for people to eat. So what does one guy do when he sees movement in the water near the edge of the houseboat? Why he leans his head over the edge, of course! Characters like that deserve to die. That's all there is to it. Seriously, are we expected to root for the fish? Because I'm sure not going to throw my support behind characters that are this clueless.
And you gotta love the brains (or lack thereof) of two of the survivors at the end. After all the Frankenfish are killed (oh, I'm sorry, I hope I didn't spoil the movie for you), they decide to go check on their friend who fell off the boat during the totally unexciting chase scene where the fish was hunting them. After the guy and girl smooch (of course), the guy replies that the point where their friend fell off is "not too far of a swim."
Um, in an ALLIGATOR-INFESTED SWAMP?!?!? Genius.
On the plus side, I was actually surprised by two of the deaths, and K.D. Aubert is looking pretty hot, so I was able to actually sit through the entire film. Though I must admit that I did make use of my good friend Mr. Button quite a bit. I'll have to introduce you sometime. You've probably heard of him. Button. Fast Forward Button. Sometimes goes by FFW Button. Trust me, when it comes to movies like this he'll quickly become your friend as well.
Now, what I really want to see is a movie called Frankenfurter! Hmm, you know what? I just thought of my next Movie Mark Original! Check back soon for full details on that...
THE GIST
Frankenfish is one of those movies that can only be recommended to people who like to get together with friends and watch really bad, low-budget films just so they can make fun of them. I just wish it wasn't stuck so firmly between like and love. No wait, that was Billy Vera. Frankenfish is stuck between "mediocre" and "not as bad as most Sci-Fi Originals." It should've swung for the Velveeta fences.
Now I don't know if this is a positive or a negative, but amazingly, Frankenfish is not nearly as bad as you'd expect. In other words, it's easier to watch than a shirtless David Hasselhoff photo session. The problem is that in an effort to avoid being as bad as humanly possible, the movie never lets itself achieve the level of cheese it could and should have.
For example, when I hear the term "Frankenfish" I want a fish that's been pieced together from several different species. A shark snout here, a dolphin fin there, the eye of a bream, something really freakish like that. So the revelation that we're just dealing with genetically-altered fish is a bit of a letdown. However, the film is not without its highlights. Just check out some of this stellar dialogue:
"I should've never dated swamp girl."
"His head is missing!"
"So I guess we're having filet-of-swamp monster."
"You look good for a girl covered in fish brains."
My guess is they visited local elementary schools and let 5th graders submit lines they thought would be cool to use in a "stupid fish movie."
Basically, this is another "creature feature" with production values resembling that of a home video, hot chicks as scientists (I'm not complaining), characters acting nonchalant over other characters being killed, and characters just generally acting stupid.
For example, these morons are stuck on a houseboat. It's dark. It's murky. A gigantic fish is swimming around looking for people to eat. So what does one guy do when he sees movement in the water near the edge of the houseboat? Why he leans his head over the edge, of course! Characters like that deserve to die. That's all there is to it. Seriously, are we expected to root for the fish? Because I'm sure not going to throw my support behind characters that are this clueless.
And you gotta love the brains (or lack thereof) of two of the survivors at the end. After all the Frankenfish are killed (oh, I'm sorry, I hope I didn't spoil the movie for you), they decide to go check on their friend who fell off the boat during the totally unexciting chase scene where the fish was hunting them. After the guy and girl smooch (of course), the guy replies that the point where their friend fell off is "not too far of a swim."
Um, in an ALLIGATOR-INFESTED SWAMP?!?!? Genius.
On the plus side, I was actually surprised by two of the deaths, and K.D. Aubert is looking pretty hot, so I was able to actually sit through the entire film. Though I must admit that I did make use of my good friend Mr. Button quite a bit. I'll have to introduce you sometime. You've probably heard of him. Button. Fast Forward Button. Sometimes goes by FFW Button. Trust me, when it comes to movies like this he'll quickly become your friend as well.
Now, what I really want to see is a movie called Frankenfurter! Hmm, you know what? I just thought of my next Movie Mark Original! Check back soon for full details on that...
THE GIST
Frankenfish is one of those movies that can only be recommended to people who like to get together with friends and watch really bad, low-budget films just so they can make fun of them. I just wish it wasn't stuck so firmly between like and love. No wait, that was Billy Vera. Frankenfish is stuck between "mediocre" and "not as bad as most Sci-Fi Originals." It should've swung for the Velveeta fences.