Boa vs. Python (2004 Video)
2/10
This film made me the man I am today...
12 August 2006
Warning: Spoilers
by making me truly appreciate the power of a horrible film. This was the first poor film I saw, but certainly wasn't the last.

"Say, Billy! I hear you want to make a movie. Well, sit back and I'll give you a few pointers about movie making: Your female protagonist should be sexy, and, if possible, loose her top at least once during the film. This will keep your bored audience at attention, waiting for another possible slip. Well, if they're male. Millionaires are idiots, all of them. Remember, they may have displayed some prowess making their fortunes by their late 20s and early 30s, but it was all luck. Leave a few questions unanswered, and try to stuff a sex scene in somewhere. Running out of money for your budget? Buy off a few minor folks to serve as actors. Models will serve. Beef up those graphics. Remember, the government is incompetent on how to deal with monsters."

Seriously, this film deserves a place in your hall of fame. I originally watched it on the Sci-Fi channel, and, despite the poor quality, kept watching it in hopes that the lovely Jaime Bergman would show more of herself. It starts out somewhat believable. This rich young man (trying to pose himself as a tough guy) and his sexy, masculine girlfriend are hanging out. Eventually, the girl pulls out a gun, and the two of them hop up to boink. These two morons have a bunch of equally stupid friends who are all ready and willing to hunt a huge reptile, which is brought in from outside the country. Their posse is a bunch of clichéd, flat characters with nothing deeper than their accent and costumes. Over the course of the film, they all die, Jaime and a stupid snake raiser release a big snake to slither off and slaughter the enemy snake, the Python. Well, it ends up with one guy with a flame thrower killing some folks for no reason, getting eaten, then the Python dying in a subway. The Boa just kind of disappears.

Ultimately, this film ends up being on a flimsy basis, with some crappy acting, poorly developed characters, and a more or less "by-the-book" storyline. By which, I mean, good guy gets the girl out of his league. This is all complete with the normal incompetence of FBI and government agents, since civilians are much more able to deal with a major crisis.

It's all just a reason to show two snakes fighting each other. Over all, there were four valuable things I took from the film, and carry with me.

1) A nice bikini shot, and some brief nudity.

2) Every Sci-Fi Channel movie follows the same basic plot, and are chocked full of red shirt characters.

3) A fun new game to play with my girl friend. ("Hey, how do you catch a 100 foot snake?" "Get a bigger snake!" (By the way, the Boa, who was supposed to capture the Python, was actually smaller... and the Python wasn't 100 feet.))

4) An appreciation for crappy works of 'art', such as poor video games and movies. And for people who enjoy poor movies for the comedy, this gains around a 7/10. However, for the mainstream, 2/10
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