3/10
The Exorcist meets Jaws through Bride of the Monster
12 May 2006
**SPOILERS** Ridicules as well as insulting soft-core porno horror movie that has Catholic Nun Sister Cecelia ,Mary Moronov, who became secretly involved in the Black Arts through the Satanic book of the dead Necronomicon. Sister Cecelia ends up conjuring up this creature from another dimension who looks like the rubber octopus in "Bride of the Monster" with a ferocious set of teeth.

Working behind the back of Father Fogerty (Joseph Tatnen), who runs the halfway house for runaway girls where she's assigned to, Sister Cecelia together with the halfway house's creepy handy-man Lutkus, Cleve Hall, secretly have the girls fed to this creature. This is done in order to nourish it and eventually have Sister Cecelia become it's bride! So that the blessed couple would produce a race of half-human half-octopus-like off-springs to take over and rule the world.

Father Fogerty himself is anything but innocent in the movie having a faddish of not only reading and looking at the photos of girly magazines where young, and well endowed, women get spanked. That's were Father Fogerty gets the idea of disciplining the girls at his halfway house by spanking them silly in the privacy of his office for any infraction that they commit.

After jogger Annie Morgan, Ashley Rgea, is reported missing by her older sister Larissa, Janet Tracy Keijser, she with the help of police Sgt. Dick Sheen, Shawn Savage,goes undercover at the halfway house where Annie was last seen jogging. It's also suspected that a number of other girls reported missing over the last few months also disappeared there.

Getting to know what's really happening at the halfway house by getting very friendly with one of the runaway girls Cherry Pie, Stephanie Leighs, Larissa plans to get the goods on both Sister Cecelia and her accomplice in crime Lutku.Larissa ends up getting caught by the Satanic trio when Cherry Pie was too slow to inform her that Sister Cecelia was coming as the two were about to escape from the place.

Sgt. Sheen coming to the rescue is caught by surprise by Latkus who shoves a blade right through him. Down in the basement of the halfway house Sister Cecelia, in a witch-like outfit, is about to bring out of the dungeon the one-eyed octopus-like creature to devour Cherry Pie for lunch only to have Father Fogerty pop up. shocked at what he sees, Sister Cecelia out of uniform, Fogerty tries to get the creature to desist, from eating Cherrie pie. Fogerty does this by reciting passage's from the bible only to have his hand, holding a crucifix, cut off with a pair of shears by Lutkus

Coming back from the dead Sgt. Sheen, with a two foot long knife protruding from his chest, takes out Lutkus where the creature for some strange reason attacks Sister Cecelia now dressed up like some kind of Demonic Wizard. The creature ends up swallowing her down whole like actor Robert Shaw was in the movie "Jaws" with Larissa, also like in the movie "Jaws", throwing a plastic container of gasoline into it's mouth and blowing the creature to kingdom come.

The movie "The Halfway House" is not only dopey with bad acting and a lot of it's story not making any sense at all it's not even intentionally or unintentionally funny. Its just plain bad and insulting to everyone, of any religious or non-religious persuasion, watching it.
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