The opening to Cliffhanger is meant to be a harrowing experience. We're meant to feel terrible that an innocent woman plunges to her horrible death. But how can we experience the horror when Frank, a helicopter pilot played by Ralph Waite out of The Waltons, is in the background cackling with laughter. Just watch him. His eyes sparkle when Stallone tells the woman that she's not doing to die and he collapses in near hysterics when she falls. Contrast this with Michael Rooker's overacting he almost faints when the girl plummets, while Frank is hooting in the background and you have a scene that is nowhere near as powerful as it should be.
But to be fair to Stallone and the girl, they do a pretty good job. The girl pleads and pleads, and Stallone gamely hangs on. And the situation itself is excellent huge drop; cracked harness; burly, lazy-mouthed actor trying to hang on to hysterical woman. But whenever I watch the scene I can only see Frank's huge grin, his glowing eyes and a shocked reaction that looks more like him doubling over in laughter.
However, laughter is a common reaction in Cliffhanger. Well, for me at least. But that's not to say I dislike the film. It's a very enjoyable action movie. But it can't transcend the clichés of the genre. Instead it buries its face in them and thrashes about like mad for over an hour and a half.
One of the clichés the film adheres to is that the villain must be English. Well, at least I think he is. John Lithgow puts on an accent of some sort. But it's an amusing performance. His best bit has to be when he gets Stallone to climb up a rock face to get his money. "You, stay. You, fetch." The joy is in his exaggerated enunciation. Another funny bit is when Stallone throws Lithgow's money into the helicopter's rotors. "Damn you, Walker!" he screams like he's split a fingernail.
But there are other English villains. The first is Caroline Goodall who comes across in the film as sort of a low-rent Emma Thompson. But much more amusing is Craig Fairbrass (Dan out of EastEnders). His performance is atrocious. All he does is shout and swear. And he does it in a thick Cockney accent. But he's immortalised in the scene where Michael Rooker goads him into beating him up rather than killing him straight away the Cockney is about as bright as a puddle of oil. It turns out that Fairbrass' character is an ex-footballer. And I guess that shouldn't be too surprising when his dialogue consists of lines like: "Yeah? And you're a loudmouth punk slag who's about to die." The only people I know who talk like that are West Ham fans. But Fairbrass proceeds to give Rooker a surreal football-themed beating he even runs up to take a penalty. Is this how Hollywood sees the English? We're either effete brigands or beer-swilling hooligans. Actually, thinking about it, it's quite an accurate observation.
But my favourite villain is played by Leon (he's so cool he doesn't even have a surname). He eschews Fairbrass' shouty brand of villainy and tries to be quietly intimidating. But his line delivery is so bad that he's about as scary as a moustachioed villain twiddling his exaggerated face fur. However, it's notable that unlike Fairbrass he actually does excel once he gives into his urge to shout. He has a great scene in a cave where he actually seems like a genuine threat he stalks Stallone and his girl with menace. But then Stallone grabs him by the balls and presses him through a spike. It's a WWE sort of death which I dig a great deal.
But what about Stallone? How does he fair in the film? Well, I've never really had much of a problem with him. Yeah he's not a terribly good actor and yes he sounds like man who was born with an upside down brain, but that's part of the joy of watching him act. Just take the scenes after the accident at the start. His idea of being haunted is to mope about like a thirteen year old that's been told to stop using his father's credit card to download porn. It's so amateurish. And I love the way that the villains, when making him climb the mountain, order him to remove his jacket. I can't help but feel that this wasn't done to prove how evil the villains are, but to allow Sly to climb while flaunting his thick, muscular arms. We don't want those babies covered up.
However, Stallone looks like Marlon Brando compared to the "Whoa, dude!" extreme sports enthusiasts. They're sort of like Bill and Ted but without the charm. In fact, I wasn't distraught that one of them died; I was distraught that one survived. But at least the death of the one who looks like Kurt Cobain gives us a hilarious silent "No!" moment from Michael Rooker. But then later on we get to relive the hilarity, because Frank's death elicits another's rib-tickling "No!" moment. Hey, what can I say, the old bastard had it coming. You ain't laughing now, are you?
But to be fair to Stallone and the girl, they do a pretty good job. The girl pleads and pleads, and Stallone gamely hangs on. And the situation itself is excellent huge drop; cracked harness; burly, lazy-mouthed actor trying to hang on to hysterical woman. But whenever I watch the scene I can only see Frank's huge grin, his glowing eyes and a shocked reaction that looks more like him doubling over in laughter.
However, laughter is a common reaction in Cliffhanger. Well, for me at least. But that's not to say I dislike the film. It's a very enjoyable action movie. But it can't transcend the clichés of the genre. Instead it buries its face in them and thrashes about like mad for over an hour and a half.
One of the clichés the film adheres to is that the villain must be English. Well, at least I think he is. John Lithgow puts on an accent of some sort. But it's an amusing performance. His best bit has to be when he gets Stallone to climb up a rock face to get his money. "You, stay. You, fetch." The joy is in his exaggerated enunciation. Another funny bit is when Stallone throws Lithgow's money into the helicopter's rotors. "Damn you, Walker!" he screams like he's split a fingernail.
But there are other English villains. The first is Caroline Goodall who comes across in the film as sort of a low-rent Emma Thompson. But much more amusing is Craig Fairbrass (Dan out of EastEnders). His performance is atrocious. All he does is shout and swear. And he does it in a thick Cockney accent. But he's immortalised in the scene where Michael Rooker goads him into beating him up rather than killing him straight away the Cockney is about as bright as a puddle of oil. It turns out that Fairbrass' character is an ex-footballer. And I guess that shouldn't be too surprising when his dialogue consists of lines like: "Yeah? And you're a loudmouth punk slag who's about to die." The only people I know who talk like that are West Ham fans. But Fairbrass proceeds to give Rooker a surreal football-themed beating he even runs up to take a penalty. Is this how Hollywood sees the English? We're either effete brigands or beer-swilling hooligans. Actually, thinking about it, it's quite an accurate observation.
But my favourite villain is played by Leon (he's so cool he doesn't even have a surname). He eschews Fairbrass' shouty brand of villainy and tries to be quietly intimidating. But his line delivery is so bad that he's about as scary as a moustachioed villain twiddling his exaggerated face fur. However, it's notable that unlike Fairbrass he actually does excel once he gives into his urge to shout. He has a great scene in a cave where he actually seems like a genuine threat he stalks Stallone and his girl with menace. But then Stallone grabs him by the balls and presses him through a spike. It's a WWE sort of death which I dig a great deal.
But what about Stallone? How does he fair in the film? Well, I've never really had much of a problem with him. Yeah he's not a terribly good actor and yes he sounds like man who was born with an upside down brain, but that's part of the joy of watching him act. Just take the scenes after the accident at the start. His idea of being haunted is to mope about like a thirteen year old that's been told to stop using his father's credit card to download porn. It's so amateurish. And I love the way that the villains, when making him climb the mountain, order him to remove his jacket. I can't help but feel that this wasn't done to prove how evil the villains are, but to allow Sly to climb while flaunting his thick, muscular arms. We don't want those babies covered up.
However, Stallone looks like Marlon Brando compared to the "Whoa, dude!" extreme sports enthusiasts. They're sort of like Bill and Ted but without the charm. In fact, I wasn't distraught that one of them died; I was distraught that one survived. But at least the death of the one who looks like Kurt Cobain gives us a hilarious silent "No!" moment from Michael Rooker. But then later on we get to relive the hilarity, because Frank's death elicits another's rib-tickling "No!" moment. Hey, what can I say, the old bastard had it coming. You ain't laughing now, are you?