Centipede! (2004)
1/10
Moronic Cavers Meet Clunky Monsters
10 January 2006
A group of irritating young American dudes and babes explore a cavern in India. Our sexy adventurers don't know how to cave, but they sure know how to smirk.

I found none of the characters likable. But worse than that was the deplorable lack of the most basic caving knowledge, exemplified in the dialogue and the visuals. We're told the cave is three miles deep. In reality, the deepest known cave in the world is a little over one mile.

In the "depths" of this movie cave, most of the lighting comes from an unidentified background source, and resembles moon glow. The cavers never seem to notice it. In real caves, even at fairly shallow depths, except for light the cavers themselves bring in, absolute darkness prevails. In the movie, the vertical technique used by the cavers is all wrong. Further, their behavior inside the cave is juvenile and moronic. And I know of no cave wherein the passageways are conducive to ... sprinting.

For me, "Centipede!" did not evoke tension or suspense. There was just too much that was hokey. The inside of the cave looked like an indoor movie set. There was nothing about it that was awe inspiring or foreboding. The large centipede was less menacing than merely clunky. And the film's plot was unoriginal and predictable.

As for the acting, I thought the fake centipede did a better job than the actors. The film's dialogue was dreadful. And the Indian officials coming to the rescue lacked credibility. The one element of this film that did have credibility was the background music.

Overall, "Centipede!" is cheap looking and spurious, mostly as a result of a dreadful cast, a weak script, poor special effects, and an apparent lack of knowledge of caving basics.
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