Late last night, I sat down and finally watched CROSSBONES. My family had been at one of the hotels where scenes were actually shot (my kids are mentioned in the "Making of" section of the DVD as they were the "scallywags" who helped bury the treasure -- and my wife and I are actually seen sitting behind the director), and we were amused by the whole production. The folks making the movie didn't take themselves too seriously, and it looked as though they were going to have a decent little grade-C flick.
We were absolutely disappointed to fund that we were wrong.
MAJOR SPOILERS INCLUDED BELOW----- The movie takes a good twenty minutes to set up the premise (including a ridiculous scene where the pirate rows a modern rowboat from one of the little keys islands to another, only to find a topless woman getting sacrificed by the natives). Then we have a montage of scenes where the characters in this movie spend at least another twenty minutes introducing themselves (ostensibly for the SURVIVOR-style show they're producing). The pirate comes back to life in a mysterious manner (one of the contestants spills blood on a rock, and the pirate suddenly comes out of goodness knows where and sucks his blood like a vampire) and proceeds to whack everyone they've spent all this time introducing in the next twenty minutes. The last twenty minutes of resolution involves going back to Ft. Jefferson and getting the treasure amidst the pirate whacking a few straggling SURVIVOR-types and the producer for a typical "shock" ending that was ambiguous at best. -- END MAJOR SPOILERS
The problem with the film was not the acting (not great, but I've seen worse), not the photography (some of it's pretty good in fact), not the production values (hey, it was shot for a direct-to-DVD film, what'd you expect?). It was without a doubt the writing. If you spend twenty minutes setting up the movie and another twenty minutes introducing the characters, then you've wasted thirty minutes on a needlessly complicated plot and expository character development -- having the characters tell us who they are instead of letting the script SHOW us who they are is just really amateurish writing.
I usually can find something positive enough to give a better rating for movies of this type, but not this time. I've got to agree that this is one of the worst movies ever made.
We were absolutely disappointed to fund that we were wrong.
MAJOR SPOILERS INCLUDED BELOW----- The movie takes a good twenty minutes to set up the premise (including a ridiculous scene where the pirate rows a modern rowboat from one of the little keys islands to another, only to find a topless woman getting sacrificed by the natives). Then we have a montage of scenes where the characters in this movie spend at least another twenty minutes introducing themselves (ostensibly for the SURVIVOR-style show they're producing). The pirate comes back to life in a mysterious manner (one of the contestants spills blood on a rock, and the pirate suddenly comes out of goodness knows where and sucks his blood like a vampire) and proceeds to whack everyone they've spent all this time introducing in the next twenty minutes. The last twenty minutes of resolution involves going back to Ft. Jefferson and getting the treasure amidst the pirate whacking a few straggling SURVIVOR-types and the producer for a typical "shock" ending that was ambiguous at best. -- END MAJOR SPOILERS
The problem with the film was not the acting (not great, but I've seen worse), not the photography (some of it's pretty good in fact), not the production values (hey, it was shot for a direct-to-DVD film, what'd you expect?). It was without a doubt the writing. If you spend twenty minutes setting up the movie and another twenty minutes introducing the characters, then you've wasted thirty minutes on a needlessly complicated plot and expository character development -- having the characters tell us who they are instead of letting the script SHOW us who they are is just really amateurish writing.
I usually can find something positive enough to give a better rating for movies of this type, but not this time. I've got to agree that this is one of the worst movies ever made.