Project Viper (2002 TV Movie)
1/10
How NOT to make a movie...
4 August 2005
I don't remember much of this movie, since I was watching it on vacation in Greece at like 3:00 in the morning. The fact that I couldn't bring myself to finish it even though it was the only English-language program on should tell you a lot right there. I do remember a lot of shockingly bad camera-work, editing, and acting... camera-work especially. It honestly looks like they gave the camera to a 6 year old and told him to follow the adults around. I remember in particular a chase scene through a hallway where the camera-work is so bad the characters aren't even in the frame half the time (this same chase scene, incidentally, is a good example of the awfulness of the plot, since it's started when a lady walks right up in plain view of a guy she's trying to spy on, then defends herself by saying she was "going for a walk." Hmm, yeah, I spend a lot of time going for walks in my living room too).

If the choreography isn't bad enough for you, there's also the lighting coming from bizarre angles in places where there shouldn't be any light, the cartoon CGI tentacles that pass for a monster, etc. As a movie, it's really boring, but it's a great example of not NOT to direct. If you are an aspiring director and want to improve, my advice is watch this movie. You could sit there for hours and take notes of what the director is doing wrong.

You could use the same technique to brush up on your acting skills. The actors here are vomit-inducingly awful. All of them just seem bored (understandably), even when something bad is supposedly happening to them, like tentacles going into their mouths and coming out their stomachs (by the way, user Billy Lovelady's comment about "tentacle hentai" is one of the funniest things I've ever read. Thank you, sir). Some of them are also plain weird, like the crazy hick neighbor and the sheriff who looks like Freddie Mercury at age 70.

Unless you're using this for study as I've suggested, avoid it at all costs. It's mindless and boring. There are millions of better things to do than watch this movie, such as looking out the window, which is what I did for the next hour after I turned it off. It was a hell of a lot more productive than waiting to see who killed the Viper.
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