I've considered Brandon Lee to be one of my favourite actors for a while. Of course, I'd never seen 'Laser Mission'. I may be a blind fan boy most of the time, but even I can't accept 'Laser Mission' as a Brandon Lee movie. Then again, I never intended to, as it was my first foray into a pack of fifty "classic" sci-fi movie, and obviously one of those movies that are amazingly and amusingly bad.
'Laser Mission' would have made a whole lot more sense if it DIDN'T have a plot. Unfortunately, there is a plot. A plot that lacks any coherence, and some 'Plan 9 From Outer Space' style plot holes and continuity blunders.
Brandon plays Michael Gold, a freelance spy (a mercenary, perhaps?) working for the CIA. Gold's mission is to get to Professor Braun (Ernest Borginine, I've been told he was a real actor sometime before appearing in this) before the bad guys do. It seems Professor Braun has come up with plans for a doomsday device, but not actually built it yet, ensuring his status on the border between normal scientist and mad scientist. Prof. Braun is hiding out in a fictitious African country, being chased by what are either German or Russian spies / headhunters, and Cuban soldiers (being the comic relief). In order to find Braun, Gold must make contact with Braun's daughter, an American veterinarian and KGB spy. That's all I understood. I stopped trying to make sense of things after a while.
We all know plots are generally neglected in action movies, right from the Hollywood blockbuster to the b-movie with a tiny budget. That doesn't mean that a plot has to be so mind bendingly stupid that all you can do is laugh. A simple revenge story will suffice, not some crazy story that would probably be suited to a James Bond movie if it made a little sense. On the other hand, judging by 'Die Another Die', it won't be long before 007 ends up in a 'Laser Mission' remake. In fact, this does reminds me a lot of Jackie Chan's 'Armour of God 2: Operation Condor', both in story and location.
I think director BJ Davis assumed that lots of explosions would make up for the lack of any quality fight scenes in the film. It sure looks that way, but I'll give Davis credit: It must have taken tremendous talent to get Brandon Lee to look absolutely terrible in a fight scene. Half of the fights consist of stunt men diving in Brandon's general direction, and Brandon doing something to make it look he is actually fighting with the waves of diving stunt men. How symbolic is the fact that the best fight scene in the movie (a very ordinary scene by normal standards) is partially obscured by a horse's ass (I thought they used camels in the desert, and just where did that horse come from anyway?). Again, all you can do is laugh. Or cringe. At least the car chase is almost exciting.
As much as I hated 'Blind Vengeance', I have to admit that even 'Blind Vengeance' had better production values than this. However, 'Blind Vengeance' didn't have any rock ballads. Rock ballads make anything better. In this case, we have a rock ballad called 'Mercenary Man' that is played nearly non-stop throughout the whole movie. Apparently it was composed by none other than David Knopfler, once the guitarist of Dire Straits.
'Laser Mission' is a terrible, incredibly cheesy b-grade action movie. It'll either make you laugh, or make you cringe. For what it's worth, I laughed - 2/10
'Laser Mission' would have made a whole lot more sense if it DIDN'T have a plot. Unfortunately, there is a plot. A plot that lacks any coherence, and some 'Plan 9 From Outer Space' style plot holes and continuity blunders.
Brandon plays Michael Gold, a freelance spy (a mercenary, perhaps?) working for the CIA. Gold's mission is to get to Professor Braun (Ernest Borginine, I've been told he was a real actor sometime before appearing in this) before the bad guys do. It seems Professor Braun has come up with plans for a doomsday device, but not actually built it yet, ensuring his status on the border between normal scientist and mad scientist. Prof. Braun is hiding out in a fictitious African country, being chased by what are either German or Russian spies / headhunters, and Cuban soldiers (being the comic relief). In order to find Braun, Gold must make contact with Braun's daughter, an American veterinarian and KGB spy. That's all I understood. I stopped trying to make sense of things after a while.
We all know plots are generally neglected in action movies, right from the Hollywood blockbuster to the b-movie with a tiny budget. That doesn't mean that a plot has to be so mind bendingly stupid that all you can do is laugh. A simple revenge story will suffice, not some crazy story that would probably be suited to a James Bond movie if it made a little sense. On the other hand, judging by 'Die Another Die', it won't be long before 007 ends up in a 'Laser Mission' remake. In fact, this does reminds me a lot of Jackie Chan's 'Armour of God 2: Operation Condor', both in story and location.
I think director BJ Davis assumed that lots of explosions would make up for the lack of any quality fight scenes in the film. It sure looks that way, but I'll give Davis credit: It must have taken tremendous talent to get Brandon Lee to look absolutely terrible in a fight scene. Half of the fights consist of stunt men diving in Brandon's general direction, and Brandon doing something to make it look he is actually fighting with the waves of diving stunt men. How symbolic is the fact that the best fight scene in the movie (a very ordinary scene by normal standards) is partially obscured by a horse's ass (I thought they used camels in the desert, and just where did that horse come from anyway?). Again, all you can do is laugh. Or cringe. At least the car chase is almost exciting.
As much as I hated 'Blind Vengeance', I have to admit that even 'Blind Vengeance' had better production values than this. However, 'Blind Vengeance' didn't have any rock ballads. Rock ballads make anything better. In this case, we have a rock ballad called 'Mercenary Man' that is played nearly non-stop throughout the whole movie. Apparently it was composed by none other than David Knopfler, once the guitarist of Dire Straits.
'Laser Mission' is a terrible, incredibly cheesy b-grade action movie. It'll either make you laugh, or make you cringe. For what it's worth, I laughed - 2/10