... The contempt that I feel is my due after the lame punning of that summary (and believe me, that's quite a lot!) is NOTHING compared to the absolute unbridled contempt I hold for this movie... Now, I hate country music in general - always have; but bears? Eh, never really had a problem with 'em, since I've never stood in the way of a pot of honey, or roughed it alone in the woods with only a sleeping bag for protection...
Now I got a beef with bears *big time*... !!!!!!!! I don't care if I've never seen any 'real life' bears stage a rock concert; the pure awfulness of this movie has taught me the best course of action should I ever do: Nail those suckers with a 12-gauge... Do something for me, people; I don't care how - but find the gauche 40yr old 'mummys boy' who had the brainwave that he knew what the kids wanted, and it was this - find him, and smear honey all over his favourite body parts while I fetch Mr. Grizzly... It's the only way he and people like him will learn... Trust me, not only am I gracefully telling you to skip this; but you don't want the horror that would be "The Country Bears 2"... It truly boggles my mind that there must be some people out there who actually thought this might work... !!
I'm sure most of you reading have been to a theme-park, right??! Well then, you know of the 'sideshows' I am about to refer to. The ones where the stench of meat that is overcooked or undercooked - but never 'just right' - hangs thick in the air... Where parents take their cranky kids in hope of a brief respite after the children have just been sick following a massive sugar overdose. Does the sight of minimum wagers baking in a fur suit under the hot sun USUALLY make them feel better? No??! Well, my take is that most normal people won't even need the help of popcorn for them to throw up in a nice air-conditioned theatre if THIS is playing on screen! Hello???! - if THIS is 'live-action', then why have I seen better for loose change at times when the carnival has ridden into town???! Disney are really taking liberties this time, they don't even bother to dress the filthy stinking hobo in gents clothing...
Yes, I know it's a kids movie; but that's not even approaching any kind of viable excuse. It's already somewhat tarnished the reputation of ONE child star, merely by association... Careful Haley, or by the time you're a veteran in this business you'll have no qualms about demeaning yourself for money. Just ask Christopher Walken...
Kids; adults; bacterium - this THING is not fit to be in the company of any of 'em... !
Now I got a beef with bears *big time*... !!!!!!!! I don't care if I've never seen any 'real life' bears stage a rock concert; the pure awfulness of this movie has taught me the best course of action should I ever do: Nail those suckers with a 12-gauge... Do something for me, people; I don't care how - but find the gauche 40yr old 'mummys boy' who had the brainwave that he knew what the kids wanted, and it was this - find him, and smear honey all over his favourite body parts while I fetch Mr. Grizzly... It's the only way he and people like him will learn... Trust me, not only am I gracefully telling you to skip this; but you don't want the horror that would be "The Country Bears 2"... It truly boggles my mind that there must be some people out there who actually thought this might work... !!
I'm sure most of you reading have been to a theme-park, right??! Well then, you know of the 'sideshows' I am about to refer to. The ones where the stench of meat that is overcooked or undercooked - but never 'just right' - hangs thick in the air... Where parents take their cranky kids in hope of a brief respite after the children have just been sick following a massive sugar overdose. Does the sight of minimum wagers baking in a fur suit under the hot sun USUALLY make them feel better? No??! Well, my take is that most normal people won't even need the help of popcorn for them to throw up in a nice air-conditioned theatre if THIS is playing on screen! Hello???! - if THIS is 'live-action', then why have I seen better for loose change at times when the carnival has ridden into town???! Disney are really taking liberties this time, they don't even bother to dress the filthy stinking hobo in gents clothing...
Yes, I know it's a kids movie; but that's not even approaching any kind of viable excuse. It's already somewhat tarnished the reputation of ONE child star, merely by association... Careful Haley, or by the time you're a veteran in this business you'll have no qualms about demeaning yourself for money. Just ask Christopher Walken...
Kids; adults; bacterium - this THING is not fit to be in the company of any of 'em... !