What a mess! The premise? Potentially funny. The dialogue? Embarrassingly unfunny and the screenplay? Forced, contrived and dreadfully unfunny; and the narration? Don't ask! It would have helped if the character of the Colonel(Burt Lancaster having a bad day at the office) had been made somewhat more authoritarian and despotic to highlight the conflict and differences with the women. Instead, when faced with any real decision, he looks for the nearest bottle of whisky. Most comedic scenes are overblown and laboured and some (particularly the dust storm) go on far too long. Not a good debating point if you are arguing the merits of old V new movies.