I fear the only other reviewer at this point, Mr "van Polasm" from Antarctica, is having us on.
As the schizophrenia of the various titles of this movie suggests (The First Woman in Space, Space Probe Taurus and [in Japan at least] Space Monster), the makers of this movie had no clue and were making it up as they went along. This movie, even considering it's TV movie status, deserves to be especially damned given that only 3 years separates it from Kubrick's 2001.
They crammed in so many 1950s sci-fi cliches that they didnt have time to follow any single one through to the end, and they filled the cracks with preposterously ludicrous scenarios and acting. As for special effects, think toilet paper rolls wrapped in foil and suspended from string.
What you have is 3 paunchy overweight blokes and one beautiful young woman as the "astronauts" on your typical early sci-fi "outer space rocket". What they're meant to be doing is anyone's guess until about two thirds of the film has elapsed.
Is the story about the feisty young woman vs. the crusty ol' sea dog cap'n? Well, no. That story is killed off after about 5 lines of dialogue when said crust forces said babe to admit her true feelings for him with a forcible kiss or three. Those were the days, when the man didn't even wait to hear yes or no, right? There's also a dream scene which looks like it was put in specifically to satisfy another paunchy old blokes desire to snog the young woman in a bathing suit.
Is the story about mankind's first encounter with alien life? Well, no. They come across an alien "outer space rocket" - no-one seems terribly surprised - go in, meet predictably humanoid and hideous alien, scuffle, kill it, blow up the alien ship. End of that story.
Next, flaming marshmallows, in the guise of meteors, knock the ship's computers into overdrive (we are told belatedly) and send the ship hurtling way off course right to a conveniently located earth-like planet. At this point in the story we find out that the mission was to explore another distant planet marked for colonisation.
Finally, just before the average viewer slips into a coma, there's time to fit in the following cliches:
* everyone losing their cool in a marooned ship, * narcissist sacrifices himself for good of all by being killed by predictably humanoid and hideous sea creature, * small scale model "outer space rocket" in fishtank attacked, well... harassed, by alien marine creatures everyone pretends not to recognise are ordinary crabs.
Just before the average viewer expires, the remaining paunchy old blokes and beautiful woman escape, declare the planet they just left good enough for colonisation (ahem,.. predictably humanoid and hideous sea creatures? Giant crabs?) and proclaim the planet be named after the dead paunchy old bloke.
This movie is awful, awful, awful with not a single redeeming feature - not even camp value. I spent more time, thought and effort in typing this comment than went into Space Probe Taurus. Avoid at all costs.
As the schizophrenia of the various titles of this movie suggests (The First Woman in Space, Space Probe Taurus and [in Japan at least] Space Monster), the makers of this movie had no clue and were making it up as they went along. This movie, even considering it's TV movie status, deserves to be especially damned given that only 3 years separates it from Kubrick's 2001.
They crammed in so many 1950s sci-fi cliches that they didnt have time to follow any single one through to the end, and they filled the cracks with preposterously ludicrous scenarios and acting. As for special effects, think toilet paper rolls wrapped in foil and suspended from string.
What you have is 3 paunchy overweight blokes and one beautiful young woman as the "astronauts" on your typical early sci-fi "outer space rocket". What they're meant to be doing is anyone's guess until about two thirds of the film has elapsed.
Is the story about the feisty young woman vs. the crusty ol' sea dog cap'n? Well, no. That story is killed off after about 5 lines of dialogue when said crust forces said babe to admit her true feelings for him with a forcible kiss or three. Those were the days, when the man didn't even wait to hear yes or no, right? There's also a dream scene which looks like it was put in specifically to satisfy another paunchy old blokes desire to snog the young woman in a bathing suit.
Is the story about mankind's first encounter with alien life? Well, no. They come across an alien "outer space rocket" - no-one seems terribly surprised - go in, meet predictably humanoid and hideous alien, scuffle, kill it, blow up the alien ship. End of that story.
Next, flaming marshmallows, in the guise of meteors, knock the ship's computers into overdrive (we are told belatedly) and send the ship hurtling way off course right to a conveniently located earth-like planet. At this point in the story we find out that the mission was to explore another distant planet marked for colonisation.
Finally, just before the average viewer slips into a coma, there's time to fit in the following cliches:
* everyone losing their cool in a marooned ship, * narcissist sacrifices himself for good of all by being killed by predictably humanoid and hideous sea creature, * small scale model "outer space rocket" in fishtank attacked, well... harassed, by alien marine creatures everyone pretends not to recognise are ordinary crabs.
Just before the average viewer expires, the remaining paunchy old blokes and beautiful woman escape, declare the planet they just left good enough for colonisation (ahem,.. predictably humanoid and hideous sea creatures? Giant crabs?) and proclaim the planet be named after the dead paunchy old bloke.
This movie is awful, awful, awful with not a single redeeming feature - not even camp value. I spent more time, thought and effort in typing this comment than went into Space Probe Taurus. Avoid at all costs.