candelach Reviews

Beverly Hills, 90210: Here We Go Again (1996) Season 7, Episode 2

Glaring inconsistencies

[1/10 · 2 August 2020]

Nothing in this episode matches the Kelly/Steve history introduced in previous episodes

Criminal Minds: Zugzwang (2013) Season 8, Episode 12

None of it makes sense

[1/10 · 26 March 2020]

From the very title of this episode, which is both explained incorrectly and mispronounced, everything about this episode made me tear out my hair in frustration. The show has repeated continuity errors over the seasons, but to have such blatantly jarring ones just a few episodes apart really insults the audience's intelligence. Reid said he was reaching out to a geneticist because of his headaches, suddenly in this episode he says they "met" when she wrote him a letter complimenting one of his articles. He never knew her full name, yet they conversed through letters. Maeve is initially portrayed as somewhat of an agoraphobic, afraid to leave the house because of her stalker, which works as explanation as to why she is always at home, readily available for Reid to reach by way of phone booth. So how did she come to these letters? What good to pseudonyms do when the address is your home? In 8x10 at the restaurant, Reid says the reservation is under his name. Suddenly in "Zugzwang" she was the one to make the reservations, because the writers needed a way for the fiancé to find her. So much bad writing in this, it also makes it hard for the actors to do their job and portray the characters authentically. Also there are too many similarities to the Lila Archer case in episode 1 for this storyline to work. I wish CM had ended with Season 6.

Criminal Minds: Divining Rod (2012) Season 7, Episode 21

They run out of blonde actresses in LA?

[3/10 · 23 March 2020]

Without spoiling - hair plays a part in this episode but every actress is wearing a wig when they make a point of discussing that it is their actual hair. Down the line of this series Spencer Reid's statistics have become grossly misinformed. It happens in this episode too: Reid is feeding the team false information - trichophilia has nothing to do with hair removal.

One in a Thousand (2020)

Does more harm than good

[1/10 · 13 March 2020]

This film is an attempt to bring LGBTQIA+ stories away from the white, middle class setting most of the film representation focuses on. However there are various problems in "Las Mil y Una" that are simply not being addressed as harmful behaviour and de facto normalised. Consent is not being discussed in any pairing of the film (assault is not defined as assault which leads to quite triggering scenes) and health precautions in regards to STDs and STIs are blatantly MOCKED.

Center of My World (2016)

Too much affectation for the intended realism, cringe-inducing dialogues

[2/10 · 5 September 2018]

The only convincing moments are the one where nobody's talking.

Happy End (2017)

The Karaoke scene to end all karaoke scenes

[5/10 · 13 September 2017]

Haneke braves the new world, the modern world. He braves criticism at our youth's cell phone culture and our need for an audience. Haneke braves comedic elements, making us laugh to show how ridiculous our behavior has become in this past century. Haneke steps out of his comfort zone with this film. Does he succeed? Meh.

Call Me by Your Name (2017)

Sensual Italian summer

[10/10 · 25 August 2017]

This film is pure sensuality and emotion. You can see through the character's eyes, taste through their mouths but most importantly you feel, by God how you feel. Luca Guadagnino manages to extract the very best out of his actors: Armie Hammer's performance shows unprecedented depth and Timothee Chalamet is the essence of awe inspiring acting, this film will land him an Oscar nomination at the very least.

Riverdale (2017–2023)

"Glee" trying hard to be "Twin Peaks"

[2/10 · 12 May 2017]

The series starts out with horrible exposition to introduce characters, very stilted dialogue to get information across to the viewer. There is a unauthentic feel to the way the writers keep forcing pop culture references and product placement. In the pilot especially there are predictable and cringeworthy one liners thrown all over the place. The icing of the bad writing cake has to be this: "Are you familiar with the works of Truman Capote? I'm Breakfast at Tiffany's, but this place is strictly In Cold Blood." We know the character just moved here from New York but would she really have considered her old life that of a prostitute? Furthermore, as she utters these horrendous words she is unaware of Jason Blossom's murder (as we learn a few minutes later). So what was the point? Did the writers just want to brag that they knew the names of the most famous works of Capote? The costume and hair department seems not to be in on the scripts as Veronica Lodge's "Mildred Pierce" hairstyle looks like a ponytail and nothing like the iconic Joan Crawford 'do from the film. Most likely that is just another random reference the writers hoped their young audience would miss. Just as this piece of dialogue, "...Anything starring Cate Blanchett"- "Or The Talented Mr. Ripley"... If you'd have dropped the OR, you would have gotten away with it.

The supposed main character is the most shallow and one dimensional of them all, with possible the weakest performance from a main actor as the season starts out (he somewhat redeems himself in the final episodes). Remember when "Glee" tried to convince us how the mediocre-at-best singing voice of Cory Monteith was "da bomb"? Same happens here with the songs "Wunderkind" Archie wrote. Also, dude, we get it you play football. There is no need for you to wear your varsity jacket to a funeral and lowkey spy operations. Not even going into the weird dye job here, although the amount of gingers in this show is kind of creepy.

Gracepoint (2014)

Stop the US remakes!

[2/10 · 9 May 2017]

There was absolutely no point to this remake. Apart from Kevin Zegers being a better actor than his English counterpart, "Gracepoint" is inferior to "Broadchurch" in every way. The pace doesn't really work for American TV and the actors lack the raw- and realness we were given with the British townfolk in the original. The ending is the only thing halfway original about this piece but frankly who would sit through the tedious episodes leading up to it?

Split (IX) (2016)

Setting back the fight to end stigma

[1/10 · 17 February 2017]

This film and its ludicrous portrayal of Dissociative Identity Disorder sets back the progress we have made in the past years to end the stigmatization of mental illness. I am in no way of the belief that films should never be problematic but if you are going to go somewhere like this, there should be a reason for it. If you want to provoke, please do so but not just for the sake of profit. There was literally no need whatsoever for this film. The "bad guys" with the multiple personalities have all been covered in the 1960s-80s. Why go there now? Why take a backlash and put hundreds of people with this illness at risk for further discrimination?

God's Own Country (2017)

Do we really need all these low quality queer films?

[1/10 · 17 February 2017]

Every year at Berlinale I find myself facing the same headaches. I sit through the Panorama section, the part of Berlinale that focuses on queer films and more often than not I am let down. Yes, we need more LGBTQIA films, that is not the question. But we need more good ones. Quantity AND quality please! This film is dreadfully slow, the main characters are so dull that their forced "realness" actually makes them inconceivable. Ian Hart gives an outstanding performances but that was it. The main character is so without actual character (literally faced the exact same problem last year with the German production "Jonathan"). The love story is without spark and I kept asking myself why Gheorghe would be interested in the racist alcoholic in the first place. I read positive remarks about the animal fondling scenes and I ask myself WHY? How could that ever be a good thing? I hope RSPCA is investigating this film.

X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)

At Least We Can All Agree The Third One Is Always The Worst

[3/10 · 19 May 2016]

If you already know your film is gonna suck, do something to change it and not just whine about it within the film!

First of all, a prequel should be what it claims to be. Preceding, previous, "what happened before". The storyline in this film diverges greatly from the canon of the original movies, in fact making some of this events impossible.

The cast is made up of brilliant actors. Unfortunately none really get to show it because animation and special effects and action have now taken over this franchise as well. There is not a single scene where Fassbender or McAvoy could have lived up to their potential. Evan Peter's was purely comic relief and his appearance just a cheap copy of his last one in Days Of Future Past.

The X-Men movies always had a wonderful depth to it, mutations being representative of any "otherness" in our society. Now this film about "false Gods" feels like American anti-Islam propaganda. Very disappointing!

And last but not least, product placement ruined what was left of the film. Hank McCoy says he made special glasses for Cyclops yet we see the big fat lettering of RAY BAN in every single shot of Scott that follows. The same goes for the scenes that advertised Coca Cola, Michelin,... it was almost as horrible as in Jurassic World.

American Horror Story (2011– )

First three seasons top

[6/10 · 22 February 2016]

I loved the first three seasons - they were innovative, uncanny, thrilling. The story lines were daring, especially for a TV series and if examined closely, provided ample food for thought. Season four lost some of its charm, yet it had its moments. I am massively disappointed by season 5 however. What passes as acting in some of the episodes is beneath contempt. Kathy Bates is the only actress that remains consistent however even she can't carry the dead weight of some of her costars. The writing has lost its edge and became cliché ridden, the characters are elusive and unappealing. There is no story in particular that holds any interest. The series wholly relies on shock value and its undemanding audience. What a shame!

Criminal Minds (2005– )

Used to be a good series

[6/10 · 22 February 2016]

Criminal Minds started out really well. A little bit of psychological and sociological background being introduced to the general public to get a grasp on criminal profiling. The episodes were entertaining, the characters relatable yet realistically flawed. However from season 6 on, this series just spiraled downward. The cases lost the grip they had had on the audience, became dull and left you cold. In an attempt to make up for unimaginative cases and the routine that had set it when watching the team profile, gore and violence was increased and to even it out cheesy background plots for the characters were added. Sometimes it's just better to quit while you're ahead.

Jonathan (2016)

Artificiality surrounded by nature, interspersed with shots of insects

[1/10 · 21 February 2016]

Watching the film I was very confused for a long time why this was running in the Teddy section of the Berlinale. The closest the first half hour came to the theme was to display a borderline incestuous relationship between the father and his son. But then again, Jonathan also looked at nudes of his mother and threw himself on top of his aunt, so that's that. The acting was beneath contempt - stiff and wooden. Not for a second did I believe any of the characters to be real, throughout the film I could see the actors attempting to act. The lines were the biggest problem - both the script in itself as well as the delivery of it. It felt so artificial I couldn't help but laugh at certain scenes that were intended to be touching. The film is named after the "main character", yet he is the least thought out character of them all and therefore the least interesting.