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Reviews
Deathwatch (2002)
A good war film
The film sees a group of British WW1 soldiers in No Man's Land, going over the top. During this, we see soldiers dieing, soldiers confused etc. Next thing we see, the survivors are making their way through what they think is gas but it's fog. They find an abandoned German trench, complete with Germans. Andy Serkis and Kris Marshall play nasty, German hating soldiers whereas Jamie Bell plays a a sixteen and a half year old, scared soldier. One of the best things about this film: all British cast and shows several different 'types' of soldier. They find several dead bodies, all Germans and the question is asked, "What the bloody hell went on down here?" The general idea is that the Germans were shooting their own men. Upon finding another German soldier, Jamie Bell translates in broken French that the solider is telling them to get out, the trench itself is evil. The end of the film sees everyone but Jamie Bell and the remaining German soldier left. Jamie Bell is released, and walks off into the fog.
Main points; the group died on the battle field and are all in limbo. The German soldier decides upon whether they go to Heaven or Hell, depending on how they treat him. Jamie Bell is the only one who tries to help him, gives him a gun to defend himself, stops Andy Serkis from killing him among others. The ending tells us that the group are destined to stay in the trench for eternity, a fate decided by their own actions. Jamie Bell goes to Heaven, his youth and innocence the cause of this fate. The German soldier, however, is not all he seems. He IS the evil in the trenches, he looks to the camera as a new load of British souls blunder over the edge shouting, "Drop your weapons' Fritz!"
The Slaughterhouse Massacre (2005)
Complete and utter crap
The start is like something out of a soft porn shop, the lighting's crap, the acting's crap. Simple as - how people can give it a 9/10 I have no idea, I've just bought it from EBay for £2.99 - straight in the bin, I can assure you! Don't rent it, don't buy it - as soon as you open the case you see why. The front cover is deceptive, and looks as though it could be moderately good but the disk itself 'Sickle' and that's it. It looks fake. Awful, it really was. I know it's only £2.99 but I could have spent it on something GOOD! Another point - it has no adverts at the start. That tells you all! So my advice - don't rent it. Or buy it. Or go anywhere near it!
Wrong Turn (2003)
Surprisingly good!
I have to say, I was sceptical at first but I was completely wrong. Has an air of Hills Have Eyes about it, I have to say, but very, very, good. Desmond Harrington is excellent as well as is Eliza Dushku (a complete change to Bring It On). Well acted (although I think the second guy to die's girlfriend isn't upset enough at the sight of her boyfriend being shot with arrows). Major goof - he calls himself Flynn, the cover says Finn! There are no bad points I can actually think about it, a complete surprise. Also very like Wolf Creek but better. It in fact takes a well known story line - people get lost, bad people out there who are cannibals/inbreds, some die, some survive and have made it their own. A very plausible storyline as well as characters. Definitely recommendable to anyone, it suits all audiences.
Mrs. Henderson Presents (2005)
Britain triumphs again!
Definitely a film to make Britian proud! Judy Dench is hilarious, as a rich near seventy year old who says 'pussy' and wants her girls to have their pubic hair shaved off when they are naked. An absolutely classic gem, it has a story line, a love line, nudity that isn't crude or sexual, patriotism - the lot. Rather sadly, you see Mrs Henderson fall in love again with a married man who couldn't love her back. If anything, this film teaches you that life never stops, even when you're seventy. You're never too old to fall in love, and people's perceptions are often wrong. Bob Hoskins is masterful as Vivianne Vann Damn - he even gets his willy out! All in all, 10/10.
Supernatural (2005)
Supernatural
Without a doubt - 10/10. Supernatural is one of the BEST films I have ever seen. The 'cases' are believable, as are the characters - some of the 'cases' are actually scary. I'm still having nightmares after the thing that feeds off children and poses as a doctor *shudder*. Supernatural is an utter joy to watch, I have no problems sitting and watching the box sets for hours! The pure amount of research that must have gone into the fiends that surround the cases shows and makes the reader more interested and satisfied. The only problem I have with Supernatural is that some of the 'cases' are solved too quickly or easily and not many do this, but for the ones that do, it slightly ruins it. I strongly recommend this show to anyone - it has a scary side, a truthful side, a plot line running throughout...all whilst maintaining realism.
Five Across the Eyes (2006)
:|
The camera was shaky and wasn't lighted, compared to such a horror film as say No Vacany, the camera was awful. However, it may have been done like this so the viewer feels like 'they are there' - it was almost video camera like but wasn't on a video camera. Basically, the film follows five girls as they travel back from a football game. They've become lost, accidentally hit another car and driven off. The car follows them - the woman in the car is deranged, she talks of her husband cheating on her and her kids being out of control except she sees the girls as the mistress and her kids. It wasn't scary per say, but I hid my eyes are certain times. The acting got better lets say towards the end of the film, but it wasn't first rate. Thankfully, it didn't follow crappy horror film type and after they burned her, she didn't get back up again, although earlier in the film, they ran her over with the car and she managed to get back up? I think it definitely got better as it went on, the viewer got more into it but at the start I was like, "Oh..." and was wondering whether or not to turn it off but I kept it on. There are a few distressing scenes - the woman 'rapes' one of the girls with a screw driver and other varied occurrences. I believe that the film was acted with the intention of not making it an 'a list' film, whereby everything is over dramatised. One girl is the straight talking out, the other is completely freaking out, the designated driver is concentrating as best she can on driving. At one point one the girls (front seat passenger) seems to be dieing, complete with, 'I'm real cold,' but then mysteriously survives? Anyway, 5/10.
Touch Me, I'm Karen Taylor (2006)
Love it.
Touch Me I'm Karen Taylor is one of THE best things I've seen on TV in a while; definitely the best comedy. 'Joanna and Baby' gets me every time; the pure talent portrayed by Karen is amazing. The variety of accents, characters and laughs she commands is astounding. She herself is actually very funny and never fails to make me laugh. As I say, Joanna and Baby are the funniest of the lot but the other characters are hilarious also. The divorced teacher who prays on her male students is very light hearted and very witty; "Mike, come join me up here at the front. I need to demonstrate sex education!" The fact she can take something, which in real life is very serious, and turn it on it's head so it is funny is a very refined art, to which Karen Taylor has mastered: a straight up 10/10.
The Skeleton Key (2005)
The Skelton Key
No doubt in my mind - 10/10. This film was a dream for it - it had the lot. Jumpy moments, DON'T GO IN THERE! moments, historical content, religion, a gorgeous house and just in general, a fabulous watch for all. Violet's part was a shocker in the second half: a sweet old lady (well sweet's an over statement!) turns into a complete evil bitch who is actually a servant from before! The whole concept of two spirits taking people's lives so they can live is amazing and very well put forth. The film doesn't promise anything or make you think it will be a certain way - it is you who realises how great this film actually is. A film both females and males would enjoy, any age but from about 15+ will they fully appreciate the film. Loved it!
The Dark (2005)
The Dark
I was pleased to find it was set in Wales, with Sean Bean using his natural accent! I like the mix of American and British culture as it made a refreshing change to the usual all American cast. Very much like The Ring, to me. I liked the fact it had a 'historal' side to it and in fact, the religion is real. It did have some scary as shite moments! When what's her face(little ghost girl) was in the corner and says, "You won't find her here," in that eerie voice - got me! Overall, an 8 out of 10. Had scary moments, moments that made you go, "DON'T GO IN THERE!", jumpy moments, a historical side, flashbacks, characters that make you think "Hmm...", Sean Bean doing his Yorkshire accent :D....it goes on. Bits I didn't like? The colour of the 'other world' made my eyes go a bit funny. Other than that, great!
Welcome to the Jungle (2007)
Welcome to the jungle!
I think it was actually quite a good film. I think it's all too easy for people to think, "This is crap - it's like Cannibal Hollocause without the gore" because it never said it was going to be like that. The entire film is filmed on two video cameras (like that of 'Blair Witch'. If you start watching the film not knowing this, you think, "Oh, it's going to be crap," but actually, if you give it a chance, it's actually quite good. Granted, you don't see any of the gore (except for the odd foot or dismembered limb!) as it's all off screen, but the film is quite realistic. The video camera obviously wouldn't see everything because when you're being dragged off to be decapitated, you would usually take the camera with you?! So basically, two couples decide to find out where Michael Rockerfellar disappeared to in the 60's. They fall out - one couple nick a raft and go their own way. They find natives are following them, armed with bows and arrows. They get hit with arrows and are taken off to be tonight's dinner. Next couple follow en route with a raft they've made and find the remains of their friend. They hear the screaming of their other (obviously alive) friend and foolish, follow it. They escape narrowly, just in reach of the sea but are seen by another native. They surrender and are sat down to dinner but then realise everyone's suddenly disappeared. Yup, they're tonight's dinner! 7/10 is my verdict :)