Cathy's Valentine (1989 TV Movie)

Kathleen Wilhoite: Cathy Andrews

Quotes 

• Cathy Andrews : [voiceover]  Of the $3 billion that will be spent on Valentine's week, $2 billion of it will be spent by me, trying to make sure I'm appealing enough to receive a $.95 greeting card.

• Cathy Andrews : [voiceover]  Of all the valentine chocolates that will be eaten this year, 36% will be eaten by women who buy it for ourselves before Valentine's Day even gets here.

  Mr. Pinley : Bravo, Cathy!

  Cathy Andrews : It's one of those few perfect events - store filled with my one obsession just when I need consolation over my other obsession.

  Mr. Pinley : You haven't been this productive since your New Year's Eve fight of 1986!

• Irving : Everyone knows the first rule of being a valentine is compromise. You can open one of your stupid magazines.

  [he and Cathy disappear behind her counter, smooching] 

  Cathy Andrews : [tossing one of her magazines on the counter top]  I already did.

• Cathy Andrews : [peeking out from behind a snow-woman, inviting him to have lunch with her]  Yoo-hoo! Handsome!

  Irving : Ah, I see you've been to the therapist again, Cathy.

  Cathy Andrews : Wanna help me unthaw?

  Irving : You always act like a lunatic after you've been to the shrink.

• Irving : [as he approaches Cathy's house with his valentine gift for her; to himself]  Cathy, I'm sorry - no, no, no, no. Happy Valentine's, my darling - nah, nah, that's ridiculous, no, no...

  [rings Cathy's doorbell] 

  Irving : Cathy, you look so beautiful today. You're...

  [he opens the door to reveal that Cathy is not yet dressed, much to his surprise] 

  Irving : You're not even dressed yet; we're gonna be late!

  Cathy Andrews : I've been dressed eleven times already; it's not my fault you got here in between outfits!

  Irving : Well, hurry up; we're gonna have to take your car, I'm out of gas.

  Cathy Andrews : Again? Will you see if my keys are out there somewhere?

  Irving : What? Aw, don't tell me we have to start the key search again!

  Cathy Andrews : Irving, if you'd be willing to commit to more than two gallons of gas at a time, we wouldn't *have* to search for my keys all the time.

  Irving : If you put your keys on the counter like a *normal* person, I wouldn't have to stock up on gas every time I saw ya!

  Cathy Andrews : Irving, call a cab!

• Irving : [bringing out a handful of cords for Cathy's stereo]  Surprise!

  Cathy Andrews : [slightly disappointed]  Oh.

  Irving : [chuckles, then begins hooking up the cords]  I've figured out how to wire this right to your cable!

  Cathy Andrews : Irving, I thought - you know, you wanted to do something romantic.

  Irving : Are you kidding? Look at this: I've got splinters, cable links...

  Cathy Andrews : [flirtatiously]  You know, curl up on the couch, and...

  Irving : Needlenose pliers!

  Cathy Andrews : [getting irritated]  Irving? Romantic?

  Irving : What do you call this?

  Cathy Andrews : [scoffs exasperatingly]  I want a kiss, not digitized sound.

  Irving : [also scoffing]  Why is it that things have to go ex-actly by the rules of your - stupid "Romance of the Month" books, so they don't count, huh?

  Cathy Andrews : Why are *you* so afraid of involvement you hide behind stuff all the time?

  Irving : [holding up the cords]  I got this *stuff* for you!

  Cathy Andrews : Gizmos, newspapers, remote controls, how am I supposed to get close to you, huh?

  Irving : Close? Who's the one who locks herself in the bathroom in the middle of a date to study magazine articles?

  Cathy Andrews : I'm researching how to hold a man's hand when it's always full of *stuff*!

  Irving : Yet, you don't even want to deal with the real person.

  Cathy Andrews : Real men don't think cable splinters are romantic gifts!

  Irving : Just - just forget it, Cathy, okay? I'm sick of being the perfect guy just to get yelled at!

  [heads for the door] 

  Cathy Andrews : Take your needlenose pliers with you!

  Irving : [putting his jacket on]  Fine! And we're not coming back!

  Cathy Andrews : [as Irving closes the door]  Fine!

  Cathy Andrews : [almost reentering]  Except we have to go to Ross's wedding on Valentine's Day! We have a commitment!

  Cathy Andrews : Fine!

  [Irving leaves] 

• Anne, Cathy's Mother : [on the phone]  Hi, sweetie! Happy Valentine's Day!

  Cathy Andrews : Thanks, Mom; you, too.

  Anne, Cathy's Mother : Dad thought you'd like to join us for dinner.

  Cathy Andrews : Tell Dad I have plans for Valentine's Day.

  Anne, Cathy's Mother : She has plans.

  Bill, Cathy's Father : Mom wonders if your plans are to see the psychiatrist.

  Cathy Andrews : Irving's taking me to a wedding. Everything's fine; we're going to a happy, romantic, wonderful wedding together.

  Bill, Cathy's Father : [to Mom]  She'll be seeing the psychiatrist.

• Irving : [in the cab on the way to Ross and Lisa's wedding]  Sorry.

  Cathy Andrews : Me, too.

  Irving : [sarcastically]  You have to pay for the cab; I didn't bring any cash.

  Cathy Andrews : I didn't bring any cash, either.

  Irving : What do you *mean* you didn't bring any cash? You have a ten pound purse with you.

  Cathy Andrews : This is a dainty evening bag; cash would make the sides bulge out.

  Irving : What are you hauling to a wedding that might be more useful than a $10 bill?

  Cathy Andrews : You have fifteen pockets in your clothes; you don't have room for money?

  Irving : [sarcastically handing Cathy's valentine gift to her]  I spent all my cash on your valentine, darling.

  Cathy Andrews : [sarcastically handing Irving's valentine gift to him]  I spent six hours rewrapping your valentine, dearest, and I'm not accepting one in a store bag that you just grabbed on the way over.

  Irving : WHAT? Does it give rules in your stupid books for how a gift has to be wrapped, or it doesn't count, too?

  Cathy Andrews : You're supposed to at least take off the price tag!

  Irving : Ha!

  Cathy Andrews : Ha!

  Cab Driver : Uh, that'll be $4.85.

  Irving , Cathy Andrews : HA!

• Anne, Cathy's Mother : [entering Cathy's house with groceries]  Call the FBI, dear, her brain's been stolen.

  Cathy Andrews : Mom! Dad, I thought we agreed on no more surprise visits.

  Anne, Cathy's Mother : I know, sweetie, but it's so hard to pass up a chance to be mortifying.

  Bill, Cathy's Father : It was your mother's idea. She thought you might be out of ammonia.

  Anne, Cathy's Mother : [handing a tissue to Cathy so she can blot her lipstick]  Blot. Your father thought you'd be running low on light bulbs.

  Bill, Cathy's Father : Mom is concerned about the toilet paper situation.

• Cathy Andrews : [first lines; voiceover narration]  I've look forward to Valentine's Day and dreaded it with the exact same passion since I was old enough to spell "chocolate". 1961: no valentine. Valentine's Day is everything I love marching right smack into the arms of everything I dread. 1968: valentine from the wrong person. 1974: valentine from the right person, two years, too late. 1981: valentine from a relative. This year's going to be different. For the first time in my life, I'm going into Valentine's Day knowing I have a boyfriend; someone to love, right by my side. This Valentine's Day is *really* going to be different.

• Cathy Andrews : [voiceover]  I've always believed the backbone of the human race is women's ability to keep having hope where no hope exists. It's a skill we learn from restarting our diets every day of our lives. Unfortunately, there's a fine line between being the hope-filled tower of strength that keeps love going and being the hope-filled doormat with no concept of when a relationship is actually over. I never know which side of the line I'm on until *way* after it's too late.

• Cathy Andrews : You just used the word "we" three times in a row without choking.

  Irving : And you just had a four minute conversation without falling asleep or screaming.