Review of Hellfjord

Hellfjord (2012)
Bogged down by a terrible script and seemingly nobody taking the production serious.
1 July 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I really wanted to love this, as a have a strong bias towards Scandinavian media. But man, this mini-series didn't work for me.

The cinematography is incredible boring, to a point where I am not sure anymore that the utterly washed out picture is a stylistic choice or someone forgot to add some contrast back. I had to google screenshots to ensure I didn't accidentally set something weird in my Bluray player. There are a few interesting shots, but 99% of it is soooo flat and boring. So many static talking shots.

The script is even worse. The series spends an entire episode with the main character undercover in prison, and basically nothing of interest happens there. The first 4-5 episodes feel like the plot is on pause and nothing happens. There were so many loose ends that the final episode could not possibly tidy up.

The characters were the worst aspect for me. None of them were consistent, except for Johanne, which I would like to call "Magic Exposition Girl". While our main character is just a bumbling idiot, Johanne is who is doing the actual police work and keeps the thin plot moving at least somewhat forward.

Salmander didn't start out as a simpleton to me, but episodes 2-6 just showed him being mostly an idiot. Only in the last episode he turns into Rambo.

Kobba.... Kobba... where to even begin. A character that flip flops between barely being able to being fed, to being a Pro Marksman. In the next scene he can barely keep awake for 5 minutes, in the next he's a seasoned, cool and relaxed police officer. The make up on him made it also hard to look at him, at times I felt like I was watching Braindead.

Riina, Kobba's.... well, what? Sex slave? Assistant? At first I thought she worked in the police station as an assistent, but then she begins to feed and kiss Kobba... so they are in love? But she hates him. And he hates her. She basically never speaks and has 0 importance to the plot, except for the very last episode where the turns into Resident Evil Woman and mowes down people while dualwielding Uzi's. Suddenly the shy, quiet, (abused?) mail-order bride turns into a vamp. I guess the series needed _someone_ to break up the big endfight between the baddies and the police.

The same goes for pretty much all the characters in this series. None of them, except for Johanne, are consistent or even make sense. Their relation to each other is a mystery to me.

What did I like about this series? Well, the first episode was kind of funny (when Salmander arrived in Hellfjord). But even then, the "everyone smokes here" aspect is never brought up again. Besides the 5 or so main characters, Hellfjord is also devoid of life.
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