3/10
Take Your Gold Watch
25 March 2022
The final (to date) entry into one of the most bizarre franchises in movie history, Watchers Reborn saw release 4 years after the last instalment, but as the title would imply reboots the series, for at least the second time in its short but long standing lifespan.

I always wonder what went through author Dean Koontz head whenever the latest cheque for a Watchers movie came in. He's been rather outspoken in his criticism of some adaptations of his work, and given Roger Corman has now had 4 shots at making a Watchers movie with a 0/4 success rate he must be beside himself with these.

The plot, once AGAIN, sees a top secret government experiment to create the perfect killing machine leads to a hyper intelligent golden retriever, designed to infiltrate enemy bases, and 'the outsider' a genetically modified, humanoid monster psychically linked to the dog that will follow him and kill everyone he's been in contact with in his quest to destroy him. Via shenanigans both escape in a lab accident and the dog is taken in by a helpful stranger who teams up with a helpful and sexy scientist who worked on the project to try and defeat the Outsider and save the dog.

This one is directed by John Carl Buechler, a man more recognisable for special effects work on a lot of genre pictures but he has actually clocked up a workable resume as a director in the horror genre too. I mean he's not John Carpenter, but he's made a few fun pictures.

He clearly decided wheeling out some genre stalwarts was the way to go in terms of trying to get some buzz, so we've got Mark Hamill, who we all know is best known for Star Wars, but by 1998 was very much in B-movie purgatory in between voicing the Joker in every Batman game/cartoon under the sun. He's joined by Lisa Wilcox, best known for leading Nightmare On Elm Streets 4 & 5 and Stephen Macht from The Monster Squad, and even Kane Hodder in a cameo.

In addition, there's also a lot of stock footage in the intro. This is the second film in a row that's used the same shots of the second movie's monster even though it looks nothing like the one presented in this film.

Possibly because this is the third time we've seen this exact story told in this series (4th if you count the exposition in part 3) but this feels very tired. It's clearly very low budget, in terms of look, acting, effects and even hilariously ill-fitting score.

One note of interest is that out of the 4 movies this actually gives the best swing at incorporating one of the book's most important plot points, WHY the Outsider hates Einstein. In short, it's because the Outsider, bred to be a horrifying killing machine that repulses people, hates itself, and is jealous of the love and attention the cute dog receives. This is also the reason it rips peoples eyes out, to stop them looking at it. He was meant to be intelligent, if childlike and capable of basic speech. Previous movies have stripped this down to gimmick gore shots of ripped out eyeballs and the creature stealing teddy bears with no explanation.

Now, I'm not saying Reborn presents this particular plot angle well, or even passably, in fact it's actually responsible for some of the movies worst scenes, but I credit them for at least trying here.

The Outsider itself is another close but no cigar here. He's 90% fur with a dog like face, giving the appearance of a werewolf or bear. Well a cheap suit of one. His head honestly isn't that bad, in a cheap rubber monster way, but the furry suit looks really bad. It reminds me of the worst looking Zoanoid in the first Guyver movie, another 90s Mark Hamill mis-step.

On the subject of Luke Skywalker, he really isn't at the races here. Some of the scenes of him bantering with the dog are fun, but at this stage in his career he wasn't so much typecast as the hero in space operas as the down on his luck cop/pi in a trenchcoat whose fridge contents are exclusively cold chicken and Coors Light, and even he looks tired here. Though I like to pretend this is actually the same character he was playing in his cameo in Sleepwalkers, creating a Stephen King/Dean Koontz cinematic universe.

Aside from Luke, I actually found Lisa Wilcox to be better here than she was in the Elm Street movies, and while Stephen Macht will always be the dad in The Monster Squad to me, he's actually quite good fun as the sinister NSO agent.

Watchers Reborn is, to date, the last in this series, and it isn't exactly a high point to go out on. I did find it slightly more engaging than III (I've seen more Predator ripoffs than I have Watchers movies) but I'd still stop short of recommending it to anyone.
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