Hellblazers (2022)
3/10
As usual, the overall rating has been manipulated
27 January 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Note - this movie was a Tubi production.

I'm a huge horror fan and enjoyed seeing Dern, Zane, Barbeau, Foster and Todd in the movie but only the first three had any real roles (which were too small) which was a real waste. I thought the other actors and actresses were okay and I really liked the small town setting. I also liked the cinematography.

But what the movie failed to do was what a movie like "Lake Placid" did - deliver a well-crafted script with funny moments (they tried but there wasn't enough 'hits') and a real punch in the death scenes. Except for a few brief moments with the monster, the special effects were so lacking that almost all of the death scenes were implied and the killing blows took place off camera. And note to the writers of this - Claymore mines don't simply explode in a big plume of dark smoke. The action scenes involving guns were a joke. This movie was rated R only due to some scattered obscenities, there was no nudity or gore. Also, the pacing for a good part of the movie was just too slow and some of the scenes were simply not believable - for example, why did Candyman (Tony Todd) simply sacrifice himself when he had no need to nor the motivation to do so?

I actually at first thought that the 5 veteran horror movie actors and actresses had pooled their own money together to produce this movie but after seeing the credits I realized they didn't. Smart move.

Look, if you're bored late at night and you really have nothing better to do then give it a look. Adrienne, you really kept yourself fit. But Meg Foster looks like Darth Vader when they removed his helmet at the end of "The Return of the Jedi" which is a darn shame.

I thought Dern's monologue at the beginning was funny but Tubi, if you're going to make a movie with people of this quality for the love of all that's holy GIVE THEM A SCRIPT!!! Hire some competent writers! And spend some money on special effects! You suck out most of the horror in a horror movie when all the gore is implied because it takes place off screen!

P.s. I am so tired of seeing movies like this initially with high ratings (6.5 stars as of my review) obviously not real. Cast, people who worked on the movie and their friends are obviously skewing these reviews - don't fall for it. Read the most negative reviews first as they have no financial motive to post them, as I don't.
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