The Midwife (2021)
1/10
Insufferable rubbish
22 November 2021
Warning: Spoilers
In modern days an uncalled for midwife shows at a pregnant woman's door.

Instead of calling the police, she is let in. She offers a pill, the pregnant woman swallows it.

They are strapped for money, so they take in a lady tenant.

Shortly after, the woman miscarries.

She gets deeply depressed. The tenant starts an affair with her husband, obviously.

They plan to tell her, but she gets pregnant again, so they wait.

The midwife returns in the nick of time as the pregnant woman is about to hang herself on the garage door rail. An automated garage door, which the midwife causes to open from the outside.... In the scenes that follow the midwife induces a trance-state in the pregnant woman, in which she sees the remand and her husband together.

Suddenly, after some time and again uncalled for, the midwife returns. As her husband is allergic to peanuts, the midwife produces some, which the wife blends into a powder later used by the tenant to cook dinner.

Somehow her presence goes unnoticed during all this so, when she shows herself, she is welcomed and invited to dinner.

While eating a piece of pie she finds a baby death certificate, which the husband believes was there introduced by his crazed wife.

The midwife calls things into order - and she even grabs the man by the neck (one-handed, mind you) to stop him talking...

She then leaves the three in the living room and goes to investigate the attic, from where the wife said she heard noises in the night (and we see this, including one instance where the husband was right there by her side).

As she comes down from the attic, the husband starts coughing and quickly gets to foaming at the mouth. It seems allergic poisoning has the same effect as rabies or strychnine.... She sends the wife upstairs to get her medical bag, as a ruse to allow the "peanuts" to have their way with the husband. It works, as the guy dies in a matter of seconds.

The midwife takes advantage of the state of despair the tenant is in to inject her with a "sedative" - in fact a "slow acting poison", as she declares to the stupefied tenant.

The wife comes back and confront the slowly dying tenant, who denies any involvement with the now deceased husband.

The midwife offers to inject a second, faster dose of poison to finish the tenant off already....but, as she gets ready to inject the paralysed woman, something happens and she stabs herself in the neck with the needle, neatly getting all the poison herself and dying in less than 10 seconds.

The tenant takes the opportunity to say her last words: we were preparing the attic as a room for the new baby. And as she dies she lets drop a ribbon.

Despairing, the wife runs upstairs (yes, runs....and she's about as big with the child as possible...) and goes into the attic....that had been worked into a room for the baby.

The midwife reappears, out of thin air, to either kill the wife or to kill her and get the baby.

As she was about to complete the deed, a chain comes out of the baby's crib, gets the midwife by the neck and chokes her to (this time real) death.

As the wife goes check it out, she finds the tube with her miscarried and cremated child's ashes on the chains. Her dead baby saved her and the unborn sibling!!!

She leaves the attic and, lo and behold, sees her husband and the tenant coming up the stairs to meet and hug her, as all is well!

Crap of the basest sort. Not a single scare in 1,5h of wasted time.
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