j_duffill Review of 47 Meters Down: Uncaged

47 Meters Down: Uncaged (2019)

The only review you need to read!!!!!!!

[3/10 · 18 April 2020]

After watching the original 47 Metres Down, I had high hopes for this film and buckled down for a thrilling night of sharky goodness with the wife. It started pretty well, with me hating one of the cast off the bat so I was looking forward to her being fish food a little later on. Que my disappointment when I soon find out this girl was not to be taking a dip into the shark infested waters, leaving me wondering which of the 4 teens was gunna be starters for Mr Shark. My money was on the Asian girl, the wife thought it would be the Blondy. Both of us were 100% it wouldn't be either of the other 2, one being the star and the other for undisclosed reasons. So far so good. So, we come to the 1st glimpse of the shark and shock horror, he/she is BLIND!!! Easy to avoid then? You would think so wouldn't you. Apparently not. 4 very very very very, extremely, very screamy teenage girls have figured out Mr Shark is blind, but not that he probably relies on sound to hunt. Arghhhhh, at least my bet is sure to come in soon. Now you may knock me for this, but I'm just being honest.....in comes a random teenage boy, (because you're always bumping into random people in undiscovered underwater Mayan tombs, obviously). At this point I knew I was going to be robbed of my bet as he wasn't gunna last more than a few seconds. I was right, he gets munched right up and my sure bet is done for. Anyway, all is not lost. Me and the wife agree that we discount this ridiculous appearance and I'm still confident of being a few quid better off very shortly. This is where the film takes a bit of a turn for me. The 4 screamy teenage girls, become even more screamy and Mr Shark must be thinking Shark Xmas has come early. I get mega annoyed, because it's bloody ridiculous they haven't figured this out and all of a sudden I stop caring about the bet and start routing for Sharky Wonder, hoping this painful experience will end very soon and put us all out of our misery. It doesn't take long until a big smile creeps across my face, when I realise that there are 2 visually challenged sharks knocking about in the underwater maze, because they are bound to finish off the annoyingly screamy teens who may as well have set up band practice whilst strapping shark snacks to their feet, singing, 'I'm over here Mr Shark, I'm over here!!'. Well, for the next 40 minutes, 2 other randomers get f@*%ed up including the dad and then the 2 untouchables (we were right all along 😩😩) manage to escape, but not without having the equivalent of a western shoot out with a different Great White (this one with fantastic vision though) using a flare gun and then they drive off in a boat all depressed. Good movie, I'd recommend it.