The Chilling (1989)
3/10
Bad...not quite so-bad-it's-good
24 March 2017
The idea of Linda Blair, Grizzly Adams and Troy Donahue in one direct-to-video movie would be pretty gold, even without zombies. Actually, it's the zombies that are a problem here--the movie never quite figures out how it wants to depict them, so it tries every approach half-heartedly. Can they talk? Do they hunger for flesh? How decayed are they? Do they remember their old lives? All these things seem to vary depending on the scene, and perhaps fluctuations in a budget that was probably never generous.

The film is almost a camp delight, with its weird moralizing that doesn't quite come out and say "Embrace the Lord Jesus Christ," but does repeatedly suggest that cryogenics are a tool of Satan- -a bizarre idea to take so fervently that it apparently fueled this whole project, or at least its clumsy script. Once the action finally kicks in, the pace is decent enough, but as a horror film this is rendered consistently silly by the very lame fight/stunt staging and feeble/scant gore.

The name actors would stand out even if they weren't "names," because this is one of those movies where almost everyone in a subsidiary role is very amateurish. (i was surprised to find that the male lead eventually paired with Blair wasn't an executive producer or something, because he is so old, plain and charisma-free that one would expect he must have gotten cast by contributing to the film's financing.) Linda Blair attempts sincerity under circumstances which certainly don't merit or reward it; Haggerty is laid-back and pleasant as usual, though he'd gotten pretty heavy-set at this point; Donahue at least seems to be enjoying himself, chewing the scenery as the villain.

More interesting to think about--why DOES this cheesy undead movie always seem on the verge of a sermon?--than to actually watch, "The Chilling" is one of those films you can't really recommend even as a guilty pleasure (though it'll do on a slow night). But conversely I'd LOVE to read someone's behind-the-scenes account of how it came to be made, and then made in a fashion that suggests possible drastic problems occurred during shooting and/or post-production. (It's not unimaginable that two directors are credited because one was replaced mid-production--and it's notable that while neither did much else, one of them did a later movie that was apparently a porn flick.) Anyway, it's a curio that's enough of a misfire to explain why it's so little-known despite the cult-ready combination of actors and genre.
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