grifemmet Review of The Legend of Sasquatch

The Legend of Sasquatch (2006)

Hands down the greatest film since The Godfather 2

[10/10 · 21 November 2016]

This movie, will make you laugh, make you cry, and it will touch you in places where you have never been touched before. The Legend of Sasquatch is a heartwarming tale about two mentally ill children that are forced to live in the wilderness with their handsome father. This family soon finds out that are not alone! One night, a Sasquatch kidnaps the youngest daughter and performs unspeakable acts on her. Fortunately, she is kind of into it, so it's all good. When the father finds out his daughter is missing, he blames her disappearance on the other daughter. He beats the living sh*t out of her, and then puts the gun to his head. In this scene, we find out that he is an atheist, and is therefore worried about what will happen to him once he pulls the trigger. In his final moment, he turns to his daughter and says, "You're adopted", then blows his brains out. Meanwhile, the youngest daughter and Sasquatch decide that it's time they go their separate ways. As the daughter is leaving, Steven Segeal comes out of nowhere and karate chops her face clean off. Now faceless, the youngest daughter spends the rest of her life wandering the wilderness, hoping to find the world she once knew. Then the movie ends.