Colombiana (2011)
1/10
How can people like this movie? The action wasn't even that good.
23 December 2011
Warning: Spoilers
**Spoiler alert** (If you could call it that).

I didn't expect this movie to be a very artistic and moving film at all, I expected it to be an action movie, possibly along the lines of Leon or Taken. Sadly it was even a terrible action movie.

The plot wasn't terrible, but only because there was almost no plot to begin with. I would normally say spoiler alert, except I can't because the plot is already spoiled. The main character is a girl who's parents get murdered and she goes to America and becomes an assassin. We essentially have no understanding on why her parents were killed other than her parents were in a shady business with the antagonist, and it has something to deal with information on disks that is somehow relevant to the U.S. government or something. These points are about 30 seconds of the movie in total. She obviously attempts to exact her revenge a few years later yet the antagonist has protection from the CIA for some reason unexplained. She assassinates people and eventually is able to threaten enough people to find her parents killer. Meanwhile her love interest knows absolutely nothing about her, (she literally just appears at his apartment and they have never gone out on a date) and he's apparently in love with her. At least something like Taken has a little plot; Liam Neeson's daughter is taken for slave trade and he must go around chasing clues of corruption.

Aside from the plot, or lack thereof this movie was still bad. We are left so many times tilting our head to the side and thinking "Really?? Really???!?" This includes almost the entire movie. Such things include her not being seen while hanging from a maybe inch wide pole right on the side of a building when the police look almost directly at her, to scenes where her uncle opens fire near a school district, police show up in 15 seconds, and police don't even come after him while he remains just standing there. This also includes a kill where she stabs someone with the top of pistol into what appears to be the right clavicle (collarbone). I'm assuming it was supposed to be his neck, but it definitely didn't look like they even tried to make this look realistic. Oh, and it's impossible to leave out the body morphological software which is able to match her photo (randomly, it wasn't even information added to the casefile at all) to a very unconvincing surveillance video. Please waste your time with another action movie. Go watch Die Hard again for the 1,000 time before you see this, you'll be much happier.
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