Ripping from the pages of what seems like a Crichton-esquire medical drama, Cohen pulls the myths of diabetes into the world of comic book artists and paranoid cops. Confused? Not to worry, it doesn't get any better than this. Using Eric Roberts in a horrid accent, unknown decisions, and over-sized 80s suits, Cohen attempts to create a fear for an inanimate object that is typically used to save lives in this film it becomes the source for chaos and death. Couple with the fact that Red Buttons gives us jokes that were made during the early part of creation, James Earl Jones in an unfunny gum chewing scene, and Janine Turner proving there is something she cannot do (i.e. act), Cohen butchers a film that wasn't strong enough in the first place by placing Landis-like jokes in a hodgepodge film.
To begin, Roberts is horrible. He reads his lines from the cards behind the camera, half the time doesn't remember what he is to say (winging it is not one of his stronger suits), and builds absolutely no chemistry with anyone else on set. His initial lust for a random woman is well random. There is no reason to his sanity and his motive for the remainder of the film is never quite established. Is he a hopeless romantic, or just trying for anything? The fact that he is a comic artist is thrown into the story haphazardly, especially in the beginning where he tries to give out pictures he has drawn of her, only to find her cardboard roommate, following the same steps with the style of acting, drinks a Pina Colata, while muttering "I don't know why I am drinking this, I am a diabetic as well". DUM DUH DAH. These poorly placed moments of either comedy or honest drama are miscalculated from the beginning, forcing us to question what Cohen wanted to do.
The words above don't even scratch the surface for what atrocities the acting was in this film. It was worse than a High School drama, nobody cared, and it was apparent from the first time that Roberts opened his mouth. There were no characters. Nobody in this film did something that one could consider saying, "that was fully in his characters realm". Vague was the underlining factor and acting style between these actors. I would have expected this from some, but not from James Earl Jones who proves that you don't have to pass acting 101 to get work in Hollywood. Perhaps I am confused, was Cohen trying to pay homage to another style of film-making or genre? It wasn't apparent in this film, as much as I would like to forget it, the story matched the characters. Diabetes was the joke of the film. While it should have been something that scared us, every time it was mentioned a laugh erupted. What made me happy was to see that at least Ecto-1 was getting work post "Ghostbusters", but even he fell into the Roberts trap. While I believe he was the only one to do his own stunts and physically remember his lines, by the end of the film the ambulance was never quite as frightening as one would hope. The doctor who was committing these crimes was never explained, never questioned, never judged, just evil without motive. Where was the motive in this film? As this review is typed, questions over-inflate my mind. These aren't intelligent questions, but instead, ones that need to be asked to get out of the sinking plot holes in the script. Why would any cop shoot a gun into the air in a dance club? What is the deal with the other death in Central Park? Why was Red Buttons given Bob Hope-styled jokes? Why did Stan Lee approve this film?
Questions. Questions. Questions. I need answers, answers, answers.
"The Ambulance" was a pathetic excuse for a film. There is a reason why it hasn't made it to the honorable level of DVD, and hopefully it never will. Perhaps it has an underground cult following, or Ecto-1 has more fans that I knew, but this was painful to view. James Earl Jones, chewing gum, ranks among one of the worst jokes/images I have ever had to experience in my days of cinema watching. I kept waiting for something, anything to pull this film out of the gutter, but the level of disappointment continue to grew with each unbelievable scene. Nothing made me laugh, nothing frightened me, nothing upset me more than the complacent disrespect for a dangerous and serious disease. If Cohen had done some homework, pushed the level of insanity with the doctor, created a more menacing vehicle, I think we would have had a mediocre little thriller on our hands, but with the choices made, it just turned into depressing garbage. I think Cohen has made his mark, but "The Ambulance" probably set him back for years. From the beginning to the end, there was no potential. This film needed a reset button, from Roberts' amateur accent to the robotic characters that Jones and Gallagher (the tough-as-nails femme cop with a heart of gold), and the jokes of Red Buttons which would make your ears bleed. "The Ambulance" is a hidden film, and with what I just witnessed hopefully will never make it to the surface again.
Grade: ½ out of ***** (only due to my respect for Ecto-1)
To begin, Roberts is horrible. He reads his lines from the cards behind the camera, half the time doesn't remember what he is to say (winging it is not one of his stronger suits), and builds absolutely no chemistry with anyone else on set. His initial lust for a random woman is well random. There is no reason to his sanity and his motive for the remainder of the film is never quite established. Is he a hopeless romantic, or just trying for anything? The fact that he is a comic artist is thrown into the story haphazardly, especially in the beginning where he tries to give out pictures he has drawn of her, only to find her cardboard roommate, following the same steps with the style of acting, drinks a Pina Colata, while muttering "I don't know why I am drinking this, I am a diabetic as well". DUM DUH DAH. These poorly placed moments of either comedy or honest drama are miscalculated from the beginning, forcing us to question what Cohen wanted to do.
The words above don't even scratch the surface for what atrocities the acting was in this film. It was worse than a High School drama, nobody cared, and it was apparent from the first time that Roberts opened his mouth. There were no characters. Nobody in this film did something that one could consider saying, "that was fully in his characters realm". Vague was the underlining factor and acting style between these actors. I would have expected this from some, but not from James Earl Jones who proves that you don't have to pass acting 101 to get work in Hollywood. Perhaps I am confused, was Cohen trying to pay homage to another style of film-making or genre? It wasn't apparent in this film, as much as I would like to forget it, the story matched the characters. Diabetes was the joke of the film. While it should have been something that scared us, every time it was mentioned a laugh erupted. What made me happy was to see that at least Ecto-1 was getting work post "Ghostbusters", but even he fell into the Roberts trap. While I believe he was the only one to do his own stunts and physically remember his lines, by the end of the film the ambulance was never quite as frightening as one would hope. The doctor who was committing these crimes was never explained, never questioned, never judged, just evil without motive. Where was the motive in this film? As this review is typed, questions over-inflate my mind. These aren't intelligent questions, but instead, ones that need to be asked to get out of the sinking plot holes in the script. Why would any cop shoot a gun into the air in a dance club? What is the deal with the other death in Central Park? Why was Red Buttons given Bob Hope-styled jokes? Why did Stan Lee approve this film?
Questions. Questions. Questions. I need answers, answers, answers.
"The Ambulance" was a pathetic excuse for a film. There is a reason why it hasn't made it to the honorable level of DVD, and hopefully it never will. Perhaps it has an underground cult following, or Ecto-1 has more fans that I knew, but this was painful to view. James Earl Jones, chewing gum, ranks among one of the worst jokes/images I have ever had to experience in my days of cinema watching. I kept waiting for something, anything to pull this film out of the gutter, but the level of disappointment continue to grew with each unbelievable scene. Nothing made me laugh, nothing frightened me, nothing upset me more than the complacent disrespect for a dangerous and serious disease. If Cohen had done some homework, pushed the level of insanity with the doctor, created a more menacing vehicle, I think we would have had a mediocre little thriller on our hands, but with the choices made, it just turned into depressing garbage. I think Cohen has made his mark, but "The Ambulance" probably set him back for years. From the beginning to the end, there was no potential. This film needed a reset button, from Roberts' amateur accent to the robotic characters that Jones and Gallagher (the tough-as-nails femme cop with a heart of gold), and the jokes of Red Buttons which would make your ears bleed. "The Ambulance" is a hidden film, and with what I just witnessed hopefully will never make it to the surface again.
Grade: ½ out of ***** (only due to my respect for Ecto-1)