While the title states "Complete Suck Job" this can be a bit misleading. As a suck job would feel good, and this movie is excruciatingly painful.
First of all, the entire premise is completely unreasonable. No one just gets up and moves by default after each breakup. Especially if you have kids to uproot every time you do it. However, if you have any chance of surviving this movie you will have to overlook that fact.
Let you be warned. If you ever watch this movie (which I whole-heartedly discourage) bring as many land-scaling devices (ladders, bridges, etc.) as possible to get over ALL the plot-holes. I can't even remember them all because I was lost in one for so long that I forgot SO many of the other ones. But I must mention a few of them: Where in the world did Amy go at the end of the movie? Just completely disappears and is forgotten about. Perhaps she went with Carmen Sandiego. If you are someone of the Christian faith, you will love this movie. Because apparently Holly and her sister were immaculately conceived. No one even mentions where their father is or why he left. Therefore, it is believed he was never there for Holly when she was growing up, but he managed to knock Jean up one more time NINE years later. 9!! You wouldn't think that an actual timeline would have to be plastered on the writers' walls while they were writing the script. But you would be sorely mistaken. On the flip side, this movie does give me a glimmer of hope for my future, because apparently you can afford a comfortable NYC apartment for 3 in a quality neighborhood, nice furnishings, and a brand new laptop all on a BAKER'S salary. Are you kidding me? I know this movie was supposed to be a romantic comedy, but was that the joke? If so, it was easily the best one in the entire movie.
To be completely honest with you, Reader, I don't know what to protect you from next. The acting is adequate (not really, just trying to be nice) but the script is sooo outrageously bad that it has absolutely no chance of recovering from the depths of movie s**thood. The Lenny character had no business being in this movie (or any movie for that matter). He could have easily been excluded and everyone would have been better off for it. He was annoying, poorly written, stereotypically overly obnoxious. The out-of-nowhere proposal? COME ON WRITERS!! Lets work that one out on the first read-through of the rough draft. Moving on, Holly meets her "best friend" and romantic interest IMMEDIATELY when she goes to school. The FIRST and ONLY people she talks to at school. That is quality writing right there. Cut out all the fat; it's bad for you. I would have loved to see how long this movie would have been if all the plot-holes were filled in and the p*ss-poor writing corrected. Probably longer than it took to actually write the final script.
The only redeeming quality this movie has is Hilary (pre-punk makeover, which is horrible on its own right, but that is neither here nor there). Where am I going with this comment? I'm not quite shore. The only thing I am quite shore about is that this movie blows. And blows gently at that. Even Hilary at her best could not save this movie.
Oh but wait!! There is a magical "twist" at the end of the movie that will enchant the entire audience for years to come!! It makes everything turn out OK. I wish I could reveal it to you but, alas, I will not, for it is the only thing that saves this movie. Or is it? I'm not quite shore. Not quite shore...
First of all, the entire premise is completely unreasonable. No one just gets up and moves by default after each breakup. Especially if you have kids to uproot every time you do it. However, if you have any chance of surviving this movie you will have to overlook that fact.
Let you be warned. If you ever watch this movie (which I whole-heartedly discourage) bring as many land-scaling devices (ladders, bridges, etc.) as possible to get over ALL the plot-holes. I can't even remember them all because I was lost in one for so long that I forgot SO many of the other ones. But I must mention a few of them: Where in the world did Amy go at the end of the movie? Just completely disappears and is forgotten about. Perhaps she went with Carmen Sandiego. If you are someone of the Christian faith, you will love this movie. Because apparently Holly and her sister were immaculately conceived. No one even mentions where their father is or why he left. Therefore, it is believed he was never there for Holly when she was growing up, but he managed to knock Jean up one more time NINE years later. 9!! You wouldn't think that an actual timeline would have to be plastered on the writers' walls while they were writing the script. But you would be sorely mistaken. On the flip side, this movie does give me a glimmer of hope for my future, because apparently you can afford a comfortable NYC apartment for 3 in a quality neighborhood, nice furnishings, and a brand new laptop all on a BAKER'S salary. Are you kidding me? I know this movie was supposed to be a romantic comedy, but was that the joke? If so, it was easily the best one in the entire movie.
To be completely honest with you, Reader, I don't know what to protect you from next. The acting is adequate (not really, just trying to be nice) but the script is sooo outrageously bad that it has absolutely no chance of recovering from the depths of movie s**thood. The Lenny character had no business being in this movie (or any movie for that matter). He could have easily been excluded and everyone would have been better off for it. He was annoying, poorly written, stereotypically overly obnoxious. The out-of-nowhere proposal? COME ON WRITERS!! Lets work that one out on the first read-through of the rough draft. Moving on, Holly meets her "best friend" and romantic interest IMMEDIATELY when she goes to school. The FIRST and ONLY people she talks to at school. That is quality writing right there. Cut out all the fat; it's bad for you. I would have loved to see how long this movie would have been if all the plot-holes were filled in and the p*ss-poor writing corrected. Probably longer than it took to actually write the final script.
The only redeeming quality this movie has is Hilary (pre-punk makeover, which is horrible on its own right, but that is neither here nor there). Where am I going with this comment? I'm not quite shore. The only thing I am quite shore about is that this movie blows. And blows gently at that. Even Hilary at her best could not save this movie.
Oh but wait!! There is a magical "twist" at the end of the movie that will enchant the entire audience for years to come!! It makes everything turn out OK. I wish I could reveal it to you but, alas, I will not, for it is the only thing that saves this movie. Or is it? I'm not quite shore. Not quite shore...